Heart Strings

Chapter Seventeen

"I wanna swing now!" she grabbed my hand, attempting to pull me up.

"Hello Sabrina!" Maddison scooted closer, holding out her hand. Sabrina's eyes light up, if her smile could grow bigger it did.

"I know you, you are Maddy." She whispered.

"Yeah, that's me. You must be having so much fun." Maddison said poking at Sabrina's stomach, making her giggle loudly.

I stood up, clearing my throat. I felt warm, I didn't like it.

"Let's go swing Sabrina," I said quickly, grabbing her and pulling her towards the swing set. She squealed in excitement, leaving Maddison behind. Unfortunately, as I was getting ready to push Sabrina. Maddison was inches away from us, she leaned on the thick sky-blue pole behind her.

"I've always wanted a little sister or brother, you are so lucky." She said softly, she looked saddened by the thought.

"You should ask your mom to give you another sibling then. I'm sure she'll be willing to give you a shadow." I joked trying to lighten the mood.

Maddison laughed, I gave my attention back to Sabrina. Giving her a good push, telling her to push her legs back and forth.

"I'm not anyone special-"

"You are head cheerleader, you are dating the football captain. Everyone knows you, everyone. It's a small town, people talk." I cut her off.

It's true, Maddison was high class. She came from wealth. So, her determination to be my friend is nonetheless mind-boggling. It confused me whenever I thought about it. Waiting for the inescapable rug pull.

"You got a file on me?" she asked, narrowing her eyes at me.

I coughed and felt my face burn. I sounded like a creep. I wasn't invasive, and neither did I go searching for the information. People just talk at school...loudly.

"I'm kidding." Maddison broke out into a fit of laughter.

"Don't you have Alex somewhere waiting on you?" I snapped looking around for the tall meathead.

Maddison stop laughing and shook her head. She didn't talk, uncomfortable silence loomed over us. The squeak of the swing, made me remember Sabrina. I stopped the swing, and Sabrina got off the swing. She ran past us, going back to the sandbox.

"Where is he? I mean, I'm surprised he isn't nipping at your heels now." I muttered walking back to the bench. I heard Maddison following after me.

"I- well- he's home. I guess." Maddison stammered.

I turned to look back at her, it seemed she wasn't too fond to talk about him right now.

"You guys are still together, right? You barely look interested in him." I asked curiously.

"What are you talking about?" She asked, watching me. I sat down on the metal bench, the metal making my hands cold.

"I mean, I've seen a lot of couples to know when someone doesn't look happy. Besides, it seems like he likes you a lot by the way he always follows you around, at that party, he seemed so happy to find you. While you lacked all of the happiness." I explained looking past her.

"I'm happy with him. I like him a lot" she snapped.

"I never said you didn't."

"Sounds like you implied it." she shot back.

"Are you trying to argue with me?" I asked looking up at her.

She rolled her eyes, and tugged on her sleeves, pulling them down. Shivering from the blowing wind. She sat down beside me, a few inches of space between us.

"Why are you with him?" I asked slowly, I knew it wasn't my business. She was quiet, biting her lip.

"You don't have to answer that. It's not my place to ask." I muttered, feeling her happiness shift into discomfort.

"I should probably go, it's getting cold and I don't want Sabrina to get sick," I said. I wouldn't be able to deal with a sick Sabrina. She became a handful, that I couldn't handle.

"It's amazing how you care about her so much. I remember when I first met her. You were scared to let her out of your sight." She said placing a hand on my shoulder. Her tone was sincere, and that weird warm feeling came back.

"I mean, she's all I have left," I said, words leaving my mouth before I could think. I pushed her hand off and stood to my feet.

"What do you mean?" she asked

"Nothing, I really should go." I turned around fast, I slipped up that's all. It will never happen again. Maddison wouldn't understand, she had everything and more. A Dad, Mom, and a stable family. I would never admit it out loud. I was jealous of that.

I spent years and years wishing for my Dad to walk through the door. I wanted my Mom to get clean. I wanted to wake up and not worry about my Mom dying. I wanted to wake up from the nightmare that was my life. I loved Sabrina, I did truly but sometimes it all became too much.

-----

I tossed and turned in bed. I was haunted by nightmares. The same ones and new ones who, losing Sabrina to not being responsible enough, or turning out to be just like my mother. Falling victim to drugs, how I lost my only best friend so fast. All these thoughts were clouding my head and I couldn't sleep. I didn't want to sleep.

I got out of bed, and Sabrina was snoring softly next to me. So I made sure to be quiet as I made my way to the bathroom. I locked myself in, the bright lights hurting my eyes. I opened the cabinet, pulling out a razor. I pulled out the blade, I dropped the razor on the counter.

I rolled my sleeve up, and all I could think about was how my Dad left and didn't take me and Sabrina with him. He hated us, hated me. Without hesitation, I made the first gash. The cut stung, and I wanted to melt into the floor.

I hated myself more than ever. I knew I shouldn't have cut...but I did

Again

Again

Again

And again

🫀

Poor Henry...