Incorrect South Park Quotes

I love Modern Family

Kyle to Wendy after she solved his problem: That was brilliant and humbling. I pride myself on solving people's problems. You know what, you still have that issue. Maybe I can help-

Wendy, walking back into a dressing room: No thanks.

Stan, stepping out of a separate dressing room: Wendy just can't accept help, but I can. I'm thinking about rocking this for my date with her. Ignore the buttons, can you tell this is a woman's coat?

Kyle, deadpanned and nodding: Yes.

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Stan: I don't always make great decisions under pressure...
Kyle: What the hell is that?!
Stan: An Alpaca! I got the last one!

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Red: So, dumb guys go for dumb girls and smart guys go for dumb girls? What do the smart girls get?
Bebe: Cats, mostly.

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Randy: I'll admit it. I'm attracted to powerful women. Michelle Obama, Condoleezza Rice, Serena Williams...
Randy: ...Wait a minute.

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Shelia after two trick or treaters egged her house: You put egg on my house?! I KILL WHAT YOU LOVE!

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Kyle, to Cartman: You seriously want to race me? I ran a half marathon last year.
Cartman: Wow. I'm half scared.
Kyle: Right. Guess we're racing then.

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Kenny: I come from a small village. Very poor, but very beautiful. It's the number one village in all of America for all the... What the word?
Stan: Murders.
Kenny: Yes. The murders.

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Randy and Sharon on Stan's 21st: To Stan's first drink!
Stan, takes a shot and doesn't flitch.
Randy and Sharon: ...
Stan: Ooh... It burns...

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Kenny: Cartman just texted, he says he's almost here.
Kyle: If almost here was a place, Cartman would be the Mayor.
Kenny: Kyle, please stop taking pot shots at his expense.
Kyle: Pot shots are the only thing we can take at his expense!
Kenny: I mean it Kyle! You've even poisoned Stan!
Stan: You mean with his cooking?
Kyle: Hey! We're only making fun of Cartman!

Kyle, to himself after Cartman arrives and he sees Cartman has bright white teeth: Nice teeth, did you get them at the dentist or at the piano store? I haven't seen anything that white and square since the mormons knocked on the door! And those were just on the top of my head! But I promised Kenny.

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Cartman, after the rare occasion that Kyle agreed with him: Thank you, Kyle. It's not easy being the smart ones in this friend group.
Kyle: Don't compare us! Your last English paper came back with a Garfield sticker on it that said "Way to go!"

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Kenny to Kyle who's been studying on his laptop: What are you constantly looking at on your computer?
Kyle: Is that a question you really want people asking around here?

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Kyle: I know all you had to do to get into college was like their Facebook page, but this is Princeton! I have to show them I'm a serious thinker. You could be a bit more supportive!
Cartman: You're right. I'm sorry, your outfit's perfect.
Kyle: Thanks.
Cartman: If you're applying to lumberjack school and majoring in having your cats eat you when you die.

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Cartman: I was conceived at a Duran Duran concert?!
Kenny: Classy start to a classy life.

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Wendy: I know what you think about Stan, Bebe. You didn't have to bring your big gay guns to back you up. No offense.
Craig: None taken.
Tweek: I kinda like it.

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Shelly: Oh my God, what is that outfit? Are you going goth? You still sleep with a stuffed panda.
Stan: Isn't there a fraternity you need to pass out in?

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Wendy, about Stan: I'm basically his beard... Pre-beard... His stubble.

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Kenny: Hey Kyle?
Kyle: Yeah?
Kenny: Can I have forty dollars for lunch?
Kyle: Forty dollars?
Kenny: I also need a book for school...
Kyle, suspicious: A book?
Kenny, giving up on lying: I want a porn mag.
Kyle, disappointed in Kenny: Do you have any idea how bad of a liar you are?
Stan: I'd be more worried that he couldn't think up a single book title.

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Cartman: for someone who says he likes girls so much, you sure are afraid of them.
Kenny, sighing: It's a dance Cartman.
Cartman: Yeah, a chicken dance.

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Cartman, ditching a ball at Kyle: Perfect! Do you think you can do that every time!?
Kyle: What?! Get hit on purpose?!
Cartman: If you want to get on base and be a hero!
Cartman, throwing another ball: Some men are born into greatness. Others, have it chucked at their face.
Kyle: Ow! Dude?!

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Stan to Randy: Hey! So are you like the minister?
Randy: Kinda, when they lost the last officiant the situation was a no-brainer which made them think of me.
Kyle, standing next to Stan: Isn't there a lot you have to remember to marry people?

Randy: Not really, they all follow the same basic pattern. "We are gathered here today to join these two in holy matrimony. Do you take him to be your lawfully wedded Spouse?" And the first person says-
Stan, as an arch is unknowingly placed behind him: I do?
Randy: Right! Then I ask the second person, "Do you take him to be your lawfully wedded Spouse?" You know the drill right?
Kyle: I do.

Randy: Then I say, "By the powers vested in me by the state of Colorado I know pronounce you legally wed" and bingo bango bongo, you're married!
Stan and Kyle in unison: Awesome!
Cartman, taking a photo of the two "Newly Weds": Really awesome...

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Stan, bummed about the possibility of not getting into college: I hope you have fun here while I'm shovelling poo in some underground poo shovelling place!
Kyle: Why'd you even come here if you're so sure you can't get in?
Stan: I don't know? Maybe because this is the one place we might both get in, and that might make this whole thing a little less scary!
Kyle: Well that's the only reason I applied too!
Stan: then why are we fighting?!
Kyle: I don't know!
Stan: So are we still going to the party?!
Kyle: Yeah, I'll put on a hat!

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Stan: I know people tend to get mushy in moments like this but... With you heading around the world and me heading off to college...
Kyle: We'll stay close.
Stan: How come you never wrote a poem for me?
Kyle: Don't you get it? They were all for you.
(I love Manny and Luke so much 😭)