Eldas relationship with Ivy only lasted about 4 weeks. Elda wasn't sad, it was her who ended it after all. Really, she had known the whole time that she didn't have feelings past the platonic ones for Ivy, what she had been waiting was the closeness of a relationship. But Elda didn't want to hurt Ivy's feelings and decided to end it. Ivy was a bit disappointed, it seemed as if she had been expecting something more and had quite a hard time letting go know. So, while they we're able to socialize, things were a bit awkward.
However, being with Ivy had made her realize that some of her feelings and actions towards Jan went past the platonic ones she felt for Ivy. Elda had supposed that Jan was simply a very close friend, but as she was in a relationship with someone else, she realized that's not completely true.
Out of all people Elda knew, if she had to choose one person, it would be Jan. No matter the situation she would always choose Jan. That wasn't something she realised until she attempted to choose Ivy instead. It didn't work.
Right now, Elda was sitting on Jan's balcony while he was inside making lunch for them, because Jan was undoubtedly the best cook of the two of them. She could hear the fainted sound of him singing in the kitchen, a sound that always managed to ground her by its beauty.
Elda had her notebook open in her lap with the start of a song on the opened page. It was a song she had started a while ago but left abandoned as she had started a new song. That's when Aldrig Nånsin (Never ever) had been born. She had written it when she was in a state of anger towards anything and everything in the society, which was clearly mirrored in the lyrics.
Håller in håller ut
(Keep it in, endure it)
Dröm hur stort du vill men säg det aldrig högt
Tänk på alla tankar som har fötts men dött
Bara för att inte förstöra nån typ av mall
Som ingen riktigt gillar men följer i alla fall
Ska vara en av dem, ändå va unik
Spela svår ska tydligen va attraktivt
Hatar att jag bryr mig om allting som kan gå fel
Rädd för vad du tycker så drömmer i hemlighet
(Dream however big you want but never say it out loud
Think of all the thoughts that have been born but died
Just to not destroy some kind of template
That no one really likes but follows either way
Should be one of them, yet still be unique
playing hard to get is apparently attractive
Hate that I care of everything that could go wrong
Afraid of what you think so I dream in secret)
That's it, that's all she had written. But she liked it, it was a good start, and she was determined to find a way to finish it. She just had to figure out how exactly to do that. That first sentence though 'Håller in håller ut' (Keep it in, endure it) was something she could work with because there were many situations it could be applied to. But what would make it the most genuine?
As she got lost in her thoughts she got pulled back to reality as she heard Jan shouting her name, telling her lunch was ready. She got butterflies in her stomach when she thought about the fact that he had made her lunch with the same love as always. And yeah, that was the feeling she would write about. That would make it more genuine than anything else. And so, they ate lunch together, and the while time Elda could only think about how much she felt for Jan, and how scared she was that a mistake could ruin their friendship. That's where the title came in, she realized. Keep the feelings inside and endure it, because in no universe would she jeopardize their friendship.
Jan seemed to see something was up during lunch but when he asked Elda simply said she was focused on a song. And that was true, what he didn't know was that the song was about to be about her feelings for him.
BINABASA MO ANG
You put me on fire || Jan. R. (Discontinued)
Fanfiction"The polish representant for this year's Eurovision will be...Three, two, one...BLANKA" And right there, at that moment, was where Elda's anger became too big to control and the thought of her actions having consequences didn't even cross her mind a...
