So Long, Therese I

The Bereavement

"and the many people for whom this legislation comes too late, for the women who have suffered through this system with little or no support who still carry the pain and trauma of their abuse, the young adults who have survived abuse and emerged stronger not because of the child protective system but despite it, and the women and children who have died, who could have been saved." My speech ends yet something feels missing, something, that makes me want to say something else, not something, a certain someone.

As I stood absentmindedly in front of the whole press, I cleared my throat. "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am a mother who lost a child to violence." A random pride rekindled within me and the whole press was silenced.

"18 years ago I vowed to keep my daughter, Sienna Therese Jolie, away from the media. " My cheeks lift into a wary smile.

"My daughter was 3 when she was kidnapped by one of the most trusted men in my team. For over 10 years we searched far and wide for the possible whereabouts of Therese and yes— we did find her. A bruised, patched-up 13-year-old and it was my chance, my chance to have her back in my arms." Pausing once again, I take a deep breath.

"But almost a month later, she was threatened that I would remain untouched and unscathed, only if she would leave her life and me in silence, She did, yeah." The tears were starting to come, and the things Martin had done, I started to forget for a while have returned one by one into my thoughts.

"Therese chose my safety rather than hers, a noble thing yet very tragic." I felt a tear slide down my cheek, the memories of her I recall vaguely like it was just yesterday.

"The next time she was in Martin Chavez's clutches, he took her life. Chavez admittedly murdered and molested my daughter." My knees were now weak like they always used to be, my heart was clenched into a tight hold.

"After 5 healing years, here I stand, in memory of my only dearest." I clear my last 'thank you' and head to the back of the group as one takes the front.

"Miss Jolie, are you okay? That was very brave for you to tell us this." A whisper came, with my head bowed as I tried to cover the tears that fell unbearably.

The pain never left, just how excruciating it felt before and it still feels the same, it never changed the way it used to hurt me.

I'd look into her eyes and see not the emptiness but how loud her unusual thoughts were, the way she asked for forgiveness, the way she told me how much she appreciated having a mother, how I used to have her in my arms, I yearn for every moment of it but it's all gone.

I remember every time she'd randomly get hurt the little girl would run to Mommy for a kiss or when she was sick she'd never let me leave her side.

All gone.

When she accomplished her first sunflower drawing from her private art classes, she couldn't wait for me to come home and show her masterpiece. One time she tripped on the leg of a chair and fell while her glass of milk spilled all over her freshly bathed self.

All gone.

No more chocolate ice cream dates, no more hugs and kisses from Mommy, no more shared giggles with each other.

All gone.

For the last for years, I had to live with the littlest hope I could muster, My life turned upside down but I still had to keep living and I did.