All I Need

THIRTY-ONE

I'm still in Josh's driveway.

I didn't think it would be safe to drive this upset, so I'm waiting until I cool off.

At least that's the excuse I'm telling myself when I know I'm waiting for him to come knock on my door.

My head rests against the steering wheel.

I repeatedly bang my head against it while screaming until I accidentally hit the horn, causing it to honk.

"FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!"

I quicking put my car in reverse to attempt to escape this embarrassment, but before I can back up, Josh is already tapping on my window.

I roll down the window and begin to profusely apologize, "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"You're good, Ry. Just didn't think you were still here. You ok?"

His eyes roam my face, searching for any signs of distress; they stop at my eyes.

"Ry, I don't feel comfortable with you driving."

I reply weakly, "Ok."

"I want you to stay here so I can make sure you're ok."

I force a nod, "Ok."

I'm not sure why I agree with his suggestions, but I do.

Though I hate it, he still has control over me; he always will.

I unbuckle and stagger out of the car, dragging my stuff out with me.

I follow him into the house and settle onto the edge of the couch.

"I really am sorry, Ryleigh."

"I know, Josh; you don't have to keep apologizing."

"I'm going to keep at it until I'm forgiven. I need you in my life, Ry; I can't lose you again, not ever."

"I really fucking hate you," I blow out a breathy laugh as tears stream down my face.

He wipes them with his thumb, "Yeah, I know, but I'm working really hard to change that. I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you if I have to, Ry; whatever it takes."

My tears now flow freely, and he wraps his arm around my shoulder, forcing me to lay on his chest.

He cups my cheek as he flicks away tears with his thumb.

"I just wish you would've believed me in the first place. I don't get how you could think so lowly of me."

"I don't; I didn't."

"You did, or else you wouldn't have accused me. My dad cheated on and lied to my mom for years; I love him, but he fucked us up. The last thing I want is to end up like him, that's why this hurts much, and that's why I was scared of being like Nessa and Jaden."

"I'm sorry, I didn't know. I-"

Before he could spew off another apology, I lock his lips with mine.

He seems confused, but he doesn't pull back and eventually melts into me until I pause.

"What was that for?"

"Actions speak louder than words, lover boy. I know you like blabbing that mouth of yours, but you could use some more action in your life."

A slow grin creeps across his face, "So why don't you let me show you how sorry I am."

I giggle as he throws me over his shoulder, and sprints towards his bedroom.