All I Need

SIX

"Elle? Did you sleep over?"

"Not Elle."

"Josh?"

I pull the covers from over his head to expose a half-asleep Josh.

"Shhhh, I'm sleeping."

"Ok, but why are you sleeping in my bed."

"Can we talk about this later, please? Cuddle with me!"

"Don't you have a girlfriend for that? Oh, wait, you don't."

He gives me a death stare.

"What is it too soon for jokes?"

"Just shut up and cuddle with me. I'm lonely."

"But-"

"PLEASE!"

"Ok ok"

I awkwardly sling my arms and legs around his torso.

"What are you doing here anyway?"

"Do you not remember yesterday?"

"Nope, not at all."

"We'll talk about it later. Please, just lay here with me for a while, Ry."

"I'm not going anywhere, I promise, Josh."

I rub his head as he dozes off.

I lie awake watching the sleeping boy in my arms.

He was cute when he slept; he was less annoying like this.

He kind of reminds me of a small child.

My thumb traces along all of his facial features, lingering on his lips a little longer than I'd like to admit.

He's such a pretty boy.

He reminds me a lot of Jaden, not necessarily because he resembles him but because he was his best friend.

His face brings back so many memories I thought were happy but weren't.

In some ways, it's comforting that he's the key to my past and helps me relive some of the better moments of that significant part of my life.

Though I hate to admit it, Josh, Jaden, and Nessa played a crucial role in shaping me into the person I am.

But a part of me breaks every time I look at him or hear his voice.

I love them, even Nessa, to an extent, and they hurt me.

That's something I'm not going to get over so easily, and I'm sure not going to make the same mistake twice.

I don't know how long it's going to take to recover or if I'm ever going to recover from this, but however long this process takes, Josh and I will be going through it together.

No matter what.