Damage Repaired

Chapter 45

Nathaniel's P.O.V.

Sleep.

Work.

Box.

That was my routine.

Sleep.

Work.

Box.

It was all I could do to distract my mind from her. Did it work? Not at fucking all, but it kept me busy, which was what I needed. When I first left, I didn't sleep, eat or work. I was lost. My body was in shock, my brain in shambles from the news—the fucking secret that changed everything. The first week away was one of the roughest times of my life, the same as it was when she left four years ago. Crazy how history repeated itself. I didn't get out of bed much, only to use the bathroom and shower, the latter being optional on days I had no strength or energy to even think about standing up for a prolonged time to clean myself, which was most days. The second week was similar, the only difference being I actually attempted to put food in my stomach, more than just the occasional greasy chips I'd munch on to keep myself from feeling lightheaded, but real actual meals. The third week I spiraled and mentally crawled right back into the deep dark hole I spent the last two weeks trying to dig myself out of, but I couldn't fucking do it. I couldn't see a way out, couldn't see the light, not from where I stood, so I finally sent her a message, and it felt like I took a bullet to the heart, but it had to be done, for her sake not mine though I knew I'd regret that decision until the day I died. There was no light at the end because I was the darkness, and I needed to set her free so she could find the light without me. Find the light with someone deserving of her unconditional love, someone who didn't drag her down, someone who didn't fucking hurt her countless times. I was smart enough to realize that man wasn't me—maybe it wasn't ever supposed to be me.

The fourth week I started working again remotely from my laptop, and for the first time in weeks, I didn't feel like shit. That was when I decided to establish a routine, something to help me not feel like a mindless zombie every second of the day. I started eating again and taking care of myself and hygiene. I got back into boxing, which helped me expel all of the goddamned emotions I had bottled up inside of me each time my fists hit the punching bag, and by the time I plopped in bed at night in the apartment I was renting out in the meantime or sometimes early morning, I was too exhausted to do anything else but sleep.

Sleep.

Work.

Box.

"Boss."

"What?" I snapped, my eyes landing back on Liam, who I didn't realize was standing in front of me. I blinked and looked around, remembering I was at the abandoned warehouse because I got a call informing me that they found the corrupt officer who hired those fucking goons to kidnap...her.

Liam watched me briefly, looking as if he wanted to say something about my appearance but chose against it. Good. "What do you want us to do with the cop?"

"Hang him up." I had no patience left. I was out for fucking blood, and I was not going to step foot out of this warehouse until I got all the answers I needed. If my heart was working properly, I'd probably feel sorry for the bastard that was getting ready to see just how unhinged I truly was.