Damage Repaired

Chapter 29

Nathaniel's P.O.V.

"Why did you try to force her to stay with you?" Walton asked as I stared out of the window, wishing I was elbow deep in the person that orchestrated Anastazi's attempted kidnapping.

"Nathaniel," Walton sighed, interrupting my violent thoughts for the third time this session.

Reluctantly, I turned my head slowly to meet his firm, slightly disappointed gaze once again. "Hmm?"

"Why did you try to force her to stay with you?"

"I knew she'd be the safest at my place," I gave him the most generic answer I gave everyone else, but of course, the old fucker saw right through my words and softened his facial expression, waiting for me to fill the silence with the real truth I refused to speak out loud.

I hired Walton four years ago after Carter snapped me out of the depressive state I went into after the breakup. I knew I needed help, professional help, so I made calls and eventually found him and set up a session that same day. Throughout the years, Walton took his time gaining my trust, getting me to open up about everything, including the trauma I still kept buried deep from the death of my mother. Naturally, I gave him a hard time in the beginning and quit a thousand times, but somehow we're both still here in one piece. Mostly due to the fact that he makes me leave my guns at the door before I enter his office. There are about only a handful of things Walton doesn't know about me, but everything else is up on the table. My criminal empire, my mother, Anastazi, my reasoning, my family—he knows it all. If there's one man on this earth that could take me and everything I worked so hard for down, it's Walton. As my gaze drifted off to the window again, I was more than aware that he was still staring at me with unnecessary concern. Through gritted teeth, I finally filled the silence with my truth.

"I panicked."

Walton nodded, urging me to continue even though I'd rather shoot myself in the foot than speak my thoughts, but we didn't go through all of these sessions for me to suffer in silence.

"The thought of losing her again was unbearable." I flexed my hands, then balled them into fists to keep them from shaking. "When I got Frank's call, I fucking blacked out and reacted on instinct without thinking."

"You were scared."

"Yes."

"Do you regret your actions?"

Before, when I was in a state of panic, my answer would have been no—my answer was no, but now that I'm back in my right mind, I know I fucked up. Walton and I spent an entire year prepping just in case Anastazi returned. We went over what I would say, what I would do, getting me out of my old habits and creating new ones. We went through hundreds of scenarios, but nothing could've prepared me for fucking Ezra, which threw me completely off from the start and to top things off, it only took one quick phone call from Frank for me to throw everything Walton and I worked hard on straight out the window. In my weak defense, it was for a valid cause, but he and I both know thinking under pressure is as easy as breathing for me, considering what I do for a living, both legal and illegal. I just simply chose to ignore everything I was taught and slip back into my old ways I tried to bury in the past.

"I do," I answered.

"Now that you've reflected on your actions, what are you going to do?" Walton asked, leaning back in his chair and crossing his legs.

"Let her go." I forced the bitter words from my mouth.

His eyebrows shot up in surprise, but he said nothing.

"She's more than capable of making her own decisions. I need to take a step back, accept and respect whatever she chooses."

"Even if that means she chooses Ezra," Walton added knowingly.