Succubus Ties #1 (Ouran High School Host Club)

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Chapter Text

TAMAKI

Haruhi - now that you're a host, I've decided to make you my new project.

HARUHI

You really don't have to do that Sempai

TAMAKI

I know. That's what makes me so nice!

Whenever I see someone

Less fortunate than I

(And let's face it - who isn't

Less fortunate than I?)

My tender heart

Tends to start to bleed

And when someone needs a makeover

I simply have to take over I know, I know exactly what they need

And even in your case

(Takes Haruhi's glasses off)

Though it's the toughest case I've yet to face

Don't worry - I'm determined to succeed

Follow my lead

And yes, indeed You will be

Popular! You're gonna be popular!

I'll teach you the proper poise when you talk to girls

Little ways to flirt and flounce, ooh!

I'll show you what shoes to wear

How to fix your hair

Everything that really counts

To be popular! I'll help you be popular!

You'll hang with the right cohorts

You'll be good at sports

Know the slang you've got to know So let's start

'Cause you've got an awfully long way to go:

Don't be offended by my frank analysis

Think of it as personality dialysis

Now that I've chosen to become a pal, a Daddy and adviser

There's nobody wiser

Not when it comes to popular - I know about popular!

And with an assist from me

To be who you'll be

Instead of dreary who-you-were-well are!

There's nothing that can stop you

From becoming popular - lar

La la, la la

We're gonna make

You pop-u-lar!

(Hikaru and Kaoru push Haruhi into the dressing room and hold up a school uniform)

"Here, put on this uniform!"

"What? But why?"

"Don't ask questions!"

(As Hikaru and Kaoru chant ("Change, change, change" Tamaki is still singing)

TAMAKI

When I see depressing creatures

With unprepossessing features

I remind them on their own behalf

To think of Celebrated heads of state or

Specially great communicators

Did they have brains or knowledge?

Don't make me laugh!

They were popular!

Please - It's all about popular! It's not about aptitude

It's the way you're viewed

So it's very shrewd to be

Very very popular

Like me!

Why, Mr Honour Student, look at you.

You're handsome.

HARUHI

i...i have to go

TAMAKI

You're welcome

And though you protest

Your disinterest I know clandestinely

You're gonna grin and bear it

Your new found popularity -

Ah! La la la la

You'll be popular -

Just not quite as popular

As me!