Home for the Summer (BOYXBOY)

Mountains Between Us: Part 5

I used to think I didn't know my own heart. That, somehow, that part of me breathed outside of my body and walked hand in hand with chaos. I thought I wasn't born with the ability to be loved.

But, the summer before my senior year, in the home that raised me my whole life, my childhood friend sought refuge, and I learned the slopes and narrows of my heart. It's funny how the dots connected. If one part of our situation had been different, maybe everything would have been different.

On the morning I boarded the plane back to California, I didn't let Nico promise himself to me. We didn't kiss at the gate, or exchange glances when I turned back. I was there, and then I wasn't, and life went on. He looked at me then, as the boarding numbers screamed from on high, and I could see it all in his eyes.

I love you.

I'm angry with you.

I'll miss you.

I need this.

I don't know if I can say the word "goodbye" again.

"Please call," he said, so quietly I wondered if he had even meant to speak at all. "I know this is a lot, and that you never really asked for any of it but, please. Once a month is all I ask."

I pulled him into a hug, memorizing the way his arms looped around my neck and the scratch of his sweater against my skin.

"I will. I'm sorry."

"I still want you in my life, Apollo Quinn."

I moved back then. I wanted with everything in me to tell him how much I still loved him, and that when we kissed in his bedroom, it wasn't small to me. But, everything felt too much as we quietly waited for time to run out.

"I still want you in mine, Nicolas Young."

He blinked slowly, lost somewhere between who he was then and who I knew in California. "Enjoy the sun for me."

"I will," I began, and before I could stop my mouth from running on, I added, "You should visit. For spring break."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I'm sure my mom would love to have you, and Benji's totally missed having someone to surf with and-" I stopped as he smiled, like he could read my mind entirely. "And, you know. I'd like it if you were right across the hall again."

"Right, well, I'll have to be on my best behavior at therapy and with mom but, I don't see why I couldn't."

I couldn't hide my own smile at that point. "Right. Good."

"And, Ollie?" he said as I began to fumble with my suitcase. "I'd like to be right across the hall from you again, too."

I thought about him the entire plane ride to California, the bus drive to my town, and the walk to my house. I couldn't shake Nico's voice. It looped through my head and, when I finally did step through my front door, it took a second before I remembered who I was.

***

"You've been gone for ages," Benji cried.

I was perched on my kitchen counter, landline against my ear. My phone's speakers broke in the ocean. I wasn't sure why I never got around to fixing it.

"I've been gone for nine days."

"You've missed so much!"

"Like what?"

"Well, you're fucked if you think you can switch around your classes now. Forms were due yesterday."

I let out a sigh but shook my head. "That's fine. I don't mind it."