Home for the Summer (BOYXBOY)

32 | Chew

Trigger warning for this chapter! Scroll to the author's note at the bottom for specifics.

***

I wasn't quite processing the world around me on the walk  home. Benji's words kept flipping through my brain like carousel horses. I moved slowly, my bike tagging along beside my legs as the night rolled in. By the time I looked up, I was home.

Nico sat up from the couch as I entered. "Hey," he said. "Did everything go okay?"

I didn't want to answer, because seeing him filled my head with sand. Had I missed something entirely? This whole summer... Had he been struggling?

"He's even madder now," I mumbled. Nico gave me a frown and stood up, but I interrupted him before he could move. "Are you doing okay?"

"...What?"

"Benji told me... He mentioned that in LA, you weren't really eating. I didn't notice at the time, but when I think back on it... Plus everything with the gym. I just-" I took in a breath, organizing my thoughts. "Is there something going on?"

He blinked for a moment as silence filled the space. "Okay," he said, giving what I'm sure was supposed to be a reassuring smile. "So, it's not a big deal at all or anything- which is why I didn't bring it up- but... Last semester I was hospitalized for anorexia."

I blinked. What. "What?"

"It's an eating disorder. It basically means that, with food-"

"I... I know what anorexia is," I said, my vision blurring around him. "I'm just confused. Why didn't you tell me earlier?" As soon as the words left my mouth, I wanted to shove them back inside. His eyebrows dipped slightly before he spoke.

"I just didn't know how," he replied. "It's... Really hard to talk about."

In movies, people know exactly how to respond to things like this. They're kind and thoughtful without seeming pressuring. They let the boy standing opposite them know that everything is going to be alright. But, movies don't exist like this. Nicolas Young- my best friend since I was 8, a hockey player across the country- would never have problems this big in a film. He's strong and patient and can't be sick, because if he is, it means I missed every sign. I hadn't paid attention. But, like clicking refresh in my brain, instances began to float up.

The gym every day for hours, the way he shuffled his food around each meal, the obsession with "health". I had missed it all.

"What can I do to help?" I said, moving to grab his hand. "Can I tell my mom?"

"No, no. My mom knows and I have a physiatrist who I can talk to over the phone so..."

"But," I said. "You... Relapsed. On the LA trip, you weren't-"

"It's all okay, Ollie," he smiled, but his eyes felt forced. "It really is. I'm better, alright?"

"Are you supposed to be going to the gym so often?"

He shook his head, tightening his grip on my hand. "I'm allowed. I have to be in shape for hockey."

"But-"

"Apollo," he said. "I don't need anybody to worry about me. I just want to have a normal summer. That's... Part of why I came out here."

I nodded and took a breath. "You'll tell me if things start to get bad, okay?"

"Okay."

"And I'm... sorry for not picking up on this stuff before," I said. He raised my hand to his lips, pressing a kiss against my skin.