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Anniversary

I didn't change anything on Nathan's story. 

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Jennie's POV

"Nathan's fourth death anniversary's coming and she was wondering if I wanted to attend. Visit his grave, have a little ceremony." 

Lisa's eyes soften and she regarded with a concerned look, and I knew she'll be asking if I want her to go with me. 

"Do you want me to go with you?" 

I smile. She could be predictable when she's worried. 

"I'll be fine, I've been to the last three." 

"You sure?" 

"Yes. Sorry it wasn't worth telling you now. I should have waited till tomorrow." 

I told her to go to sleep but she abandoned that thought for a while and sat up in bed, resting her back against the bed frame. 

"Why, what's wrong?" I say worriedly and propped myself up as well. 

"Nathan," she says. It wasn't a question but she delivered it in a tone that leaves something hanging, that I need to prod her on. 

"What about Nathan?" 

"You never told me what he was like. I mean you did but not really." 

"Yeah," I agreed. After we visited his grave many weeks ago and during that time in my old room, we didn't talked about him. Not really. 

"Why?" 

"Why what?" 

Lisa lolled her head to the side from where it's resting against the wood and looks at me."Why didn't you tell me more about him before?" 

I shrugged. It's not like I don't want to tell her about him. It just never occurred to me. And Lisa and I were busy making our own memories that I didn't know my past one with him was really something I should disclose or that she wanted to know. "I dunno, I never really thought about it. I could tell you about him now."

"Only if you want to." 

I stretched my legs over the crumpled sheets and laid one leg over the other. "He was funny. He always made me laugh until my stomach hurts. He doesn't take anything too seriously which was good, he said, because I take everything seriously. When we'd argue he would mess up my hair whenever I lose because he knows I'm a fucking sore loser and promised he'd let me win next time. Sometimes that would anger me more but most of the time it doesn't because that's his way of showing me our relationship's more important than winning an argument." 

"What happen if you win?" 

"He'd let me wear a smug look for a day." I sigh before I go on. It was painful talking about him before, like the mere mention of his name would rip me apart, but the only thing I'm close to being pained by his memory now is nostalgia. 

"He was full of surprises. Like one time, it was my birthday and he was in Lisbon for fieldwork, or I thought he was. It was already four in the afternoon and he hadn't called to greet me. I was proper pissed although I thought celebrating birthdays around my age is quite a bit ridiculous. I was wound up so much that if someone's going to touch me I might burst into flames. I go out my class and he was there. Then he said he got his uncle's yacht for four days and asked me to spend the days with him. That's where the picture from my room was. 

"You were perfect for each other," Lisa says quietly. I didn't reply. I just gave her a hard look. The look that tells her never to doubt us, of what we have. "Sorry, that wasn't fair," she apologizes and cast her eyes down.