impermissible (Charles Leclerc)

s e v e n

"So why can't I actually enter your property? Those security guys were not having it." Charles questioned as I got into the car besides him.

"Toto is a very particular guy when it comes to people entering the gates, a Ferrari driver isn't necessarily someone who he'd invite warmly." I told him truthfully as I admired his car, a tailor made Ferrari 488 Pista Spider.

"You like the car?" He asked it must've been clear that I was admiring it somewhat.

I hummed "Threw up in one of these once."

"Jesus Christ, how'd that come about?" He asked reversing out into the roads as we headed for the docks.

I recollected the memory "I was seventeen, my friend stole a Ferrari 488 Pista from her uncle and we went to a party in it, got pretty drunk and I threw up all over it."

"I'd kill you." He chuckled, I already knew his car was practically his baby and it made sense it was a beauty of a car, the word kill makes my stomach churn.

"What do you drive?" He asked carrying the conversation onwards as I began to lose myself in thoughts.

"My first car was a Mercedes- Benz 300 SLR Uhlenhaut Coupe, which was insane to drive but it got taken off of me so I'm left with the pink Porsche taycan." I shrugged.

"I can imagine you in a pink car just aimlessly driving around." He chuckled and I rolled my eyes, "Oh I bet you can."

We arrived at the docks pretty quickly, immediately walking towards Charles' yacht, "That's a really nice one." I told him truthfully as he helped me on.

"Bet you've been in better." He shrugged as he held a hand out for me to grab, "No this is the nicest one I've ever been in." I lied, it was a white lie to make him feel better so in my head it's allowed.

Once aboard Charles drove it out into the ocean where we let the anchor down for us to chat for a little, "So you have two siblings?" He asked.

I shook my head "No, three my other brother wasn't at the tennis. Not his thing at all."

"Bit of an age gap between you and the little man next to you at the masters." Charles mentioned as he grabbed a glass of lemonade for me out of the cupboard.

"Yeah he's just turned six and I'm twenty three this year so it's certainly something, Jesus 17 years."I stated, he had a point.

He shrugged "I'm a middle child so it's a relatively close age gap between the three of us."

"So you guys are pretty close then?" I asked, kind of randomly curious of his familial relationships.

He smiled thinking of his siblings "Oh yeah, Arthur raced in F2 for Ferrari so we bonded a lot over that and Lorenzo is just willing to put up with us."

I pretended to be disgusted "If your brother knows what's good for him he needs to transfer to Mercedes immediately, before it all goes to shit at Ferrari."

"You say that like Mercedes is having a good season." He challenged, "Besides he's not racing anymore."

"We have seven consecutive championships under Mercedes alright? Don't forget that." I threatened but he placed his hands over his ears pretending not to hear me "Childish."

"What's your relationship like with your siblings?" He pondered changing the subject as he knew Mercedes were much superior.

"Jack is the funniest sibling, despite the fact he's the least related to me out of the three he's still my best friend. Rosa and I are pretty good because we just gossip, that's what our relationship is gossip." I paused "Benedict on the other hand that's a whole different story."

"Oh?" Charles pushed.

I nodded "Yeah it's not great.."

I mean two out of three isn't bad right?

"Do you mind if I ask why?" He gently asked, I think he already figured out why if he read the news and did his research.

"I'm sure google would tell you, I could probably send you some good articles." I joked but he wasn't laughing, rather just waiting for an explanation.

He shook his head "I don't want to hear it from google, I want to hear it from you."

"So you know..?" I asked him curious to hear what he'd already been told, or heard.

"I mean I've heard things here and there but I don't know what's rumours and what isn't so it's not fair to judge you until I hear from you what happened." He phrased, "If you don't want to tell me, that's okay."

Fuck.

"I was the driver... of a car.. that was in a really bad accident and someone died. The woman was.. the woman was about to be my sister in law, Bens fiancé Lucy. We were on our way to try on her wedding dress and then we weren't." I tried to watch the reaction on his face but there wasn't any.

"I wasn't on drugs or booze or drunk, or anything. But uh.. surviving that day was, is the most painful thing I will ever have to live through," I paused taking a breathe "I got hurt too, they had to stitch my head and that helped because I had something to blame the pain on."

"Once it healed, and I was still hurting. And I guess that's why I didn't realise how bad it was because to me...I was still in so much pain." I admitted to him, my hands playing with one another some sort of anxious trait.

"I was um prescribed pain meds, physical pain meds and they really helped with that, but they made me numb so fucking blissfully numb to the world, without them I wanted to just die of guilt. Every day I'd wake up wanting it to be the last day of my life, the medication just made me numb to it." I said trying to justify myself to him.

I wiped my eyes carefully "I can't believe I'm saying all of this um, when the prescription ran out I looked for new alternatives to numb the pain, I uh.. turned to alcohol like a lot. Substance abuse was daily and it was just bad... really bad but it made me feel numb and that's all I cared about because I'm a selfish brat."

"I didn't want to face my brother, I heard him screaming and crying most nights and it wrecked me... because it was my fault, I single-handedly ruined his life. My dad took away my car, he told me I couldn't race anymore because I can't even be trusted to drive a normal car as my license was taken away, I was charged with careless driving and my dad couldn't deal with it so I packed up my shit and moved to Spain worked on my modelling and sorted my self out, I don't do drugs anymore, I drink occasionally and I'm trying to be better... I just want to be better." I admitted looking down at the floor of the boat trying to avoid eye contact at all costs.

I sighed "The media made it so much worse, articles every day about how I got away with murder because my dad is a billionaire, that I was a drug addict that could break the entire Mercedes business... that I was an alcoholic who stole beer from shops all of this crap day after day it was too much...."

Once I'd stopped speaking and wiped my eyes with the back of my hand, Charles' hand turned my chin towards him, his eyes gazed down into mine as he used his thumb to wipe away the messy mascara on my face "I'm here for you Ev."

"Oh don't say that, I'm gonna cry more as if it isn't embarrassing enough." I laughed a little as he continued to sort out the state of my face.