Right Hand of the Pirate Queen

25. WHAT STANDS BETWEEN US

He awoke with a gasp, clutching his chest. The anxiety attack had gone away, as if by magic, but like always, the thoughts stood at the dark corners of his mind, waiting for him to make one mistake, just one, and they would return in full force. He rubbed his temples, trying to rid himself of the sudden headache coming over him. Deep breathing. Control his breathing and he could push through this like every other time.

(Why do I feel like this?)

The memories came rushing back: Lucianna waiting for him in Riosae's collection room, pushing him back onto the bed, preparing to remove her robe and do whatever she wanted to him. The memory alone made his chest tighten.

He sat up, looking around. It was the room he and Lucianna were sharing, but the sun peeked through the drawn curtains. He looked over his shoulder, but Lucianna wasn't in bed with him. His hands and feet prickled with sleepiness and cold.

"Ah, you're awake."

Riosae rose from a corner desk, making her way toward Milo. She crossed her arms.

"It seems my special test did a number on you."

He furrowed his brow. "Special test? Are you talking about what happened in your collection room?"

"The same."

"What about that was a test? I...you...how did you even convince Lucianna to do that?"

"I didn't. Dragons are natural shapeshifters. I needed to probe you without having you throw up a barrier."

"Barrier?"

Riosae dragged a chair over to the bed and sat on it in reverse, leaning her arms and chin on the back of the chair. Her golden eyes narrowed as she regarded him.

"I mentioned it in training, didn't I? There's a roadblock between you and Lucianna. As long as that barrier stays in place, your fusion can't progress. But it's not just a blockage between you and her...I had a feeling, watching the way you carry yourself around the others."

"What do you know?"

A corner of her mouth tugged up, and she leaned back. "I'd say I'm an excellent judge of character. Otherwise, I wouldn't have agreed to train you two. I know there's potential in you."

"Bullshit. I don't have any potential. Before joining the crew, I had no future. I'm the weakest member, and I can't even help Lucianna all that well, either."

"My, someone's a little feisty. I think that's the most I've heard you speak up since arriving!"

He turned away from her. Was she making fun of him? He couldn't tell, but either way he gritted his teeth, the pressure in his temples becoming tighter.

She leaned forward again, resting her face against one of her fists.

"To me, you're barely a speck of dust in the universe."

"Are you trying to piss me off?"

"Listen. I've lived for thousands of years, watched civilizations rise, fall, evolve. I've had hundreds of lovers from many walks of life. Compared to me, you've barely tasted what life can offer. Yet instead of seizing the opportunities set before you, you continue to act like you're the victim in some cosmic scheme against you."

"You don't know me."

"No, not personally, but I've seen your type before. Many times before. I have also been there, plenty of times. My lifespan is both a blessing and a curse. Though I've had many lovers, I've also had to bury many of them."

"You act so nonchalant about it."

"Death is a fact of existence. Even I will die someday. But I'm in no hurry to meet the reaper yet."