I Might Kill My Ex (KAGEHINA)

!TW! Relapse

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So the TW for today are... (Insert drumroll) Se1f h4rm, negative self talk, generally a lot of angst...? ENJOY YOU SICK BITCHES

SHOYO:

I can't sleep at night. No matter how much Tobio comforts me and loves me, I know that I'm a bad person. I let Rinnie fall down a rabbit hole, then I sent him off to an institution. I lost Atsumu because I chose Tobio, but if I hadn't then I would have lost Tobio... Why can't I just stop putting people into these situations with me?

I think that it would be better if I just didn't exist to cause people these pains, if I was just dead. Then nobody would have to deal with my shit, nobody would have to deal with me. 

As I lay in bed, not sleeping, for yet another night, I feel the last of my willpower break. I slowly climb out of bed and glance back at Tobio; he looks so calm when he sleeps, no scowl on his face, no barriers put up... I hope he's happier when I'm gone. 

Even in my final moments, I'll be hurting Tobio... I lock myself into our bathroom and pull the pocket knife from under the sink. I normally wash my blades before I use them, but it's not like I'll be alive to get an infection after I use this. I look down at my scarred thighs, thighs that I've always hated. My scarred stomach, littered in risen white lines, healed cuts that I gave to myself after being a bad person.

I looked down at my untouched pale wrists... This is what I have to do. It'll help everyone in my life... I glance at the clock on my wall. I've been waiting to do this, planning it around a time that will be easy to forget; it's not around any holidays or birthdays, no anniversary's to ruin, it's perfect. I smile at the thought of Tobio, in a couple years he'll be so happy, he'll have another, more stable guy to love. I'll watch over him, if I can, and make sure he's happy.

I take a breath and flip the blade open, lowering it to my wrists. I make sure to cut deep, but I don't realize how much it's going to hurt; I wince and suck a breath between my teeth, pressing the knife harder into my skin, watching the blood go from a trickle to a stream as it flows onto the floor. I tilt my head as I watch it becoming a bit lightheaded. I slide onto the floor, leaning against the bathtub and cutting again on the same wrist. 

A good pool of blood has formed under me and I just watch it. I feel the world suddenly fade out...

"Sho? You in there, Bunny?"

I feel my eyes widen in shock. Why is he awake? I don't want him to find me like this, I don't want him to help me!

"Shoyo?" I hear some concern in his voice.

I can't bring myself to respond to him, my voice will give me away...

"Sho, why aren't you answering me?" He jiggles the doorknob, and I thank myself for locking it.

I see myself in the mirror; all the blush in my cheeks has gone, my lips are white and my eyes are flat. I smile weakly at myself; this is what I deserve, I'm a bad person.

"If you don't open this door, I will break it down and then we'll have to pay the landlord to fix it again." He threatens.

I smile. Oh, I love that boy, always so amusing...

"Love you, Kags..." I call to him with all the strength I have left.

"What the fuck does that mean, Shoyo?" He shouts.

The door busts open, and I hear him shout.

"Fucking hell, Shoyo! Shoyo, what- FUCK!" He crouches down next to me, soaking his favorite pajamas in my blood; oh, no! Those are his favorite pair of pajama pants...

I black out.

NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE OUT IN A BIT!