T/W: S&IC!D**** & S*%F HA#M
By the time you all read this, I'll be gone.
-Jesus, that sounds so dramatic.
My body, hopefully, turned to ashes and hopefully, at peace.
It may be selfish of me to ask this but don't be sad, don't cry, and don't gaslight yourselves into thinking this is your fault or that you could've done anything to help me. This is on me. There was nothing you could do.
I always wondered how we stayed friends for so long. On paper, we have clashing egos and personalities, but somehow we just worked.
It's funny cause everything was different when we were younger.
Tyler and I would fantasize about our first kisses, while we all walked around the toy department in Walmart. All those years were our parents forced us into those horrendous Christmas sweaters were our biggest problem.
At one point we were all gonna move to New York (after convincing Whitley that there was an excellent market for his varying interests).
Jade had his music, Tyler had her tree-hugging-saving-Central Park mission, but what would I do? It didn't matter because I would just be happy with all of us together.
I know you'll probably think this is poorly handled, but ya'll don't need to see me like this- or after. I love you too much. So don't be mad at your families or mine, they're just trying to protect you.
If it makes you feel better, just know that I'm not hurting anymore. I'm surrounded by candles, the water is warm, and I know that I'll be better because one day we'll be together again.
Cows lay down to make more milk, in some grandiose way, I like to think that this is for the greater good of humanity. I won't keep hurting myself or pushing away the people I love the most. I'm laying down too.
-Caroline
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Eventually, I'm going to add a longer author's note to this, but just know that it wasn't easy for me to write this. Especially in the state that I was in during the last quarter of 2022. Music has always been a wonderful medium for me to process and find relatable emotions when my reality didn't offer me the grace to do so.
"When We Are Together" is my favorite song on BFIAFL, it's so beautiful, but also very ambiguous. (I also am a really big fan of FKA Twigs) I've talked to a couple of people and my therapist about this, but I truly believe you can be "in love" platonically. There's such a standard to label the "type" of love you feel for different people. Maybe this perspective will change once I've been "in love" romantically but the love I have for the people in my life shocks me to my core sometimes, I can't fathom something feeling stronger than that.
I love this album, I love these little story interpretations. If you got this far, thank you so much, I truly appreciate it!
Which albums would you like me to do this for next?
-Kaylaa'
YOU ARE READING
somethin' bout the weather
Short Storythe only time i feel i might get better is when we are together... It may sound a little silly, and I know we certainly didn't think it at the moment, but in retrospect, we were all in love. The four of us were completely enthralled in each other. B...
