Rise Up

Chapter 43: Small Steps

"I see... how is the knee? Everything alright with it?"

"Yeah, we can say everything is alright also there. I'm continuing the physiotherapy and all the exercises but it seems good, at least it doesn't bother me too much, I'm also sleeping now!"

He chuckled at my words, maybe remembering the amount of sleepless nights where I couldn't close my eyes due the terrible pain, so he was used to entertain me. 

Then his hand grabbed mine over the table. His thumb was brushing the back of it, sending small shivers all along the arm and down my spine. 

"I wanted to create a bit of atmosphere before touching the hot topic but I can't wait anymore, sorry."

"Never mind, I understand it." I smiled at him, as if I was trying to encourage him. 

"I've messed up badly this time."

I hummed at him, avoiding his eyes that were everywhere on my face.

"I'd like to start saying that I'm so sorry for everything, you don't deserve any of this. I regret every bullshit I've done, each one. The last thing I wanted was hurting you."

"But you still did."

I pulled away my hand from his, as a reflex, resting it on my lap. I felt my eyes already watering but I promised myself, once again, to not cry, above all in front of him.

"And I'm even more furious at myself for this."

"Listen, I appreciate your apologies, I really do because you seem honest, but try to put yourself in my shoes. I'm hurt, I've given you everything of me and you- well, I feel like you just tossed it away."

"That's not true, Kiara. Everything you gave me, every little thing, from your memories to your biggest fear, every laugh and smile you gave me together with each tears shed on your face- I keep everything with me. You mean everything to me, so much that I cannot explain it."

He sighed, brushing a hand on his face, stopping on his forehead, as if he was thinking about his next words.

Once more the waiter interrupted us, bringing over our plates that smelled deliciously. I thanked him pulling my best smile on my face, instead Lando kept breathing heavily, almost breaking down.

"Kiara, I'm so in love with you. These past months made me realize how much you are to me. Every time I'm with you- oh gosh, I cannot even explain it. Just seeing you make me feel better. I know I've already asked you this, way too many times, but please, give me another chance. This time will be different and for the better, I promise."

"Lan, your promises are just words in the wind right now."

"Give me time, I'm gonna do everything to prove you I'm more than serious about us."

"We can't just have a problem, disappear from each other's life for weeks, discuss over the phone and then fix everything with a dinner, putting the whole problem behind. I can't do it, I'm not able to. I challenge every difficulty, I don't hide behind lies."

"You're so right, I know you are. I think that everything is this difficult because I've never had a serious relationship before-"

"Me neither, but here I am. I'm tired of running away every fucking time. A relationship doesn't work like this."

"Let's stop then. No more running away, no more easy escapes. We'll face the problem from now on."

"It's not that easy..."

"Let's start and see how it goes. I promise you that I'll try my best."

I was the one to sigh heavily now, breathing out some of the tension.