Letters ||Choi Beomgyu✔️

13

Beomgyu thought he had made good progress with Haein. He was beyond glad that she was actually trusting him and opening up to him.

She was always on his mind, he could never stop thinking about her. When he wasn't with her, even if it was for a little while, he would miss her and hearing her voice and seeing her little smile that he wished she would show more often.

Like I said, he thought he made good progress.

Dear Haein,

I cannot figure out whether or not I messed up.
I opened up to Beomgyu and told him things that nobody aside from family, Kai and Dani know.
As much as I do think I'm starting to trust him,
and as much as I do like his company
and want to tell him things
and feel comfortable doing so,
telling him about my mom was one thing.
If I start to open up more
and tell him the worse things,
the things that might've hurt me more,
how do I know he's not going to get scared
or think I'm a freak
or look at me differently
or think I'm disgusting
and then just walk away like everyone else has from me?
I said I wouldn't overthink, that I would just trust
but my mind is filled with so many demons
that don't allow me to let myself be happy, even for a little while.- Haein

And again, every time he thought he was starting to understand her, he soon would find out he knew nothing, that she was so much more than she led on, so much more damaged than one person could handle.

He wanted to come straight out and ask her "what happened to you? who did this?", but he knew he couldn't do that.

Haein thought her secrets would scare Leo away but Leo was the one who was scared he'd push too hard and scare her away.

She was a fire in his life that was so intense and impossible to put out, nor did he want to put it out. He wasn't afraid of getting to know her or knowing what her secrets were. He wanted to show her that her damage and baggage only made her more beautiful, more strong.

It was nearing four am and Beomgyu couldn't sleep. His mind kept racing back to Haein and the things she wrote in her letters, trying to piece things together but it was impossible because they were always so vague.

He was a little tipsy. He knew it was wrong to rely on alcohol to make him feel better and he hated himself for it because he wanted to be anything but like his father.

Without thinking, he dialled her number as he laid on his bed and stared at the ceiling.

It went to voicemail because she was asleep.

Beomgyu sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Kang Haein, you are something else, something special. It's an honour knowing you, really. I mean, you're incredible," he chuckled a little bit, the effect of the alcohol making him giddy. Beomgyu sighed, "I am... glad that you're starting to trust me, you know. I just want you to know that you can tell me anything. I'm not going anywhere, Haein. Looks like you're stuck with me." Beomgyu chuckled some more, not being able to control it. "I... am glad to have you in my life."

He paused for a long moment before sighing and hanging up, knowing he would probably regret leaving that voicemail in the morning.

But for now, he was happy.