The Shooting Star

L E T T E R - I

No. Of recheck - 10

Song- broken by isak danielson.

Letter- I / Dead among the livings.

"Home is the one place where we feel,

Safe, protected and loved.
Those who don't feel that way,
they simply don't have
Any place in this world where
They belong. "
- Kylie Rivers.

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Hey,

Umm.. so as crazy as it may sound I am talking to a bunch of papers. I always found writing dairies stupid. I still think so cause it can't mirror your emotions, it can't reply to you. Then what's the meaning of telling- in this case writing to it?
Yet here I am doing the same thing- writing in a stupid, old diary like an idiot. I don't care, I don't think I am even sane anymore.

Every night when I close my eyes I only see your smiling face, Ali. Were you this happy when you took your own life, Ali? Were you happy that you can finally walk out of this hell?
I remember the last time I saw you before your parents took you, no took your body back to your motherland a smile was still titled on your lips. I don't know why but it just made it all so much more sad and pathetic.
Maybe you were mocking me, were you? Telling me you got a free ticket out of this hell while I am still stuck in here to suffer till death. Why did you do it, Ali? You always bragged about how the one that ends their life goes to hell. That suicide isn't an answer. Didn't you think of your stupid God when you jumped off the balcony?

You called me probably one to two minutes before you left. Do you have any idea how I felt when Brenda showed me the news of your death on the Internet? I first thought that it was a damn joke because I just talked to you fifteen minutes ago.
I should have guessed it when you made me promise I will take care of myself when you told me not to skip my meals at home. How did I miss the crack in your voice, the sadness seeping from your words?
Maybe because this pain has become our kind of normal? Home doesn't feel like home anymore. Do you know how it feels when you aren't safe in your own house anymore? It's horrible because home is the one place where we all feel safe, loved and a place where we belong to. But, those who don't feel that way, simply don't belong anywhere in this world.
When did I turn so pathetic, Ali? A complete failure. The disappointment in my mother's eyes, my father shaking his head like he always knew I would be useless, and Kai's pitiful glances are almost impossible to avoid.

In my 17 years of existence, I don't remember ever coming out as a winner or survivor. I was always among the defeated ones, among the victims. My last words always remained, "I lost." Every time I think I couldn't take another heartbreak, God throws another one in my way. For once in my life I want to survive the battle of life and proudly say, " I won"

It is human for us to hope because it's easy to trust. But, rare to be real. In the end, it all turns out empty, snatching away the last bit of light from your soul leaving it barren.

Sleep used to be an escape from this painful reality, nowadays even that seems to be a luxury. Is that why it was so painful for you to keep going on with this life? You must have been so sad in your last days. I wish I could be there for you. I wish you told me what was going on inside your head.

You know loving life is so hard. Every time I told my life, "I love you, life". It replied, "We are just friends." It's hard, Ali. It's hard to live in a body that's tired mentally more than physically, a mind that's begging to quilt. I don't think you will need to be alone up there for too long, wait for me a little while, will you?

~Al-bida.
(Ps. I don't know what it means. I just picked it up from you.
Don't mind.)

So, that's the first chapter of DA. This short name always reminds me of the DA club from Harry Potter. So, I don't think I will be using it frequently.
It's my third attempt at writing a book. I don't know whether it will be successful or not. I really don't care if it would reach the people out there. I am too tired to care.
Its just that nowadays I feel like I am even letting down those characters I created. They must have gained so much more love if someone worth wrote their story.

Hope you like the chapter. Don't forget to vote and comment.