until i found you ||| sokeefe oneshots

-dear keefe-

"Keefe, can you get the cookbook from the attic?" Sophie yelled from the bottom floor. 

"Yep. On it!" 

The attic was not clean. I guess that's my fault. Cleaning sounds like an old person job, not a Keefe job. I knew I'd have to go in there sometime, and now's the time. The first step inside smelt like rotting wood. There was carboard boxes scattered across and as I rummaged through the boxes, I found a notebook. It wasn't mine because on the front, "Sophie Foster" was written in a neat font. Her font. I opened the notebook and read what was inside. It said:

Dear Keefe,

I honestly don't know why I'm writing this. Maybe it's because I feel lonely. Or because I'm desperate. I thought you'd be home by now. I figured you would change your mind and come back. You've left before, but this time, I guess it's different. 

But, it's been 3 months since I last talked to you, and I'm going insane. All our friends are trying to live a life again and moved on, but it's hard. I never realized how much time we spent or how all your teasing wasn't all so bad. 

Anyway, the main reason I'm writing this is because I had something I just needed to get out. Whether you wanted it or not, I forgive you for leaving. Being here was never a safe option, and you were scared. You had something that only did more harm than good, so you wanted to leave to protect us. I get it. 

Although there were definitely alternatives, I think you were just trying to help. Just know that I mean it. 

Wow. This just got really weird. There's one more thing to tell you before I end this letter. I miss you Keefe. I really do. I can't sleep because I don't even know if your alive. Now, I have to imagine your crooked smile and your handful of hair on your head. I want to think about those ice blue eyes without having water coming out of mine. 

Now was the worst time to leave. All my friends isolated me. I guess it's my fault. I told them not to talk to me anymore. It was probably for the best. Seeing them smile made me want to punch them in the face. You would've told me to calm down. 

Also, I stopped liking Fitz. I realized that I didn't want or need those teal eyes of his. I needed another shade and I think I found it. I want to tell you who it is, but there's no way for me to find you. Despite me knowing you'll never read this, it brings me joy that your name is on paper instead of my head. At least that's real. 

Keefe, you deserve so much more than you have. And to my future self: If life gives you lemons, ditch them and find Keefe. 

Keefe, stay safe and have fun,

Your Foster. 

I closed the book. I knew that I had left 3 too many times. None of it was for bad intentions, but I knew it did Sophie harm. However, I kept a ray of sunshine despite the thunder knowing she liked me longer then I'd thought. I thought she started liking me because Fitz wasn't okay  with her being unmatched. 

Her love was the one reason I knew she would never break my heart. If she cared for me when I shattered her heart, I know she would continue when I stayed. I told myself I would  never fall in love. Until I found her.