The Marauders - Order of the Phoenix - Part One

XXII: November, 1993

The wind howled so loud that it shook the shutters of the Shrieking Shack. Thunder rolled somewhere in the distance as rain pelted off the window shutters.

The Shack was the only place Sirius had found that he felt safe turning human in for longer than a few minutes at a time. He knew the amount of magic protecting the place, he knew every creak the old place made and the difference between the house settling and somebody walking across the floor so he couldn't be snuck up on, and best of all, however grubby and broken down it may be, the bed was still upstairs and, covered in cobwebs and crackling with static as it played, the old turntable still worked - as a radio, at least, seeing as the records were all gone.

So there he lay, staring up at the ceiling, listening to the rain, the thunder, and modern rock and roll.

He was pleased to hear a couple familiar voices - though Elton John was much older now, and the BeeGees had taken a funny turn it seemed - but he couldn't help picturing the amount of time he might have enjoyed singing along to this new number by somebody called Meatloaf of all things in which the man sang a bleedin' opera about how he would do anything for love -- but he wouldn't do that, whatever that was.

Sirius smiled to himself, thinking of all the things he could have sung that line in response to, how many everyday situations might have become that by his annoying his friends singing the song at them. He imagined the eye rollings from Remus, the giggles of Lily Evans, the loud guffaws of James, and the "I don't get it" whining from Peter and...

A growl emitted from his chest. Even in human form, he growled at the thought of Peter.

He sat up quickly and began pacing, the radio no more than backgroud noise as he stormed from one end of the room to the other, the song switching as he paced and paced, muttering to himself wildly, "Bloody bastard, bloody betraying rat bastard. We trusted you, we trusted you, we trusted you. He trusted you. He trusted me. Trusted you with their lives, with Lily, with Harry. Bloody betraying bastard. I'll wring your little neck and send you straight to Hell where you belong with the rest of the Judases and demons, you piece of dung-shite... We trusted you..."

Suddenly the door creaked and Sirius turned about, whipping out his wand and aiming at the door, eyes wild with panic. He'd let down his guard - for how long? He expected dementors or some other attacker and --

But it was only Roger Crookshanks, who stepped carefully 'round the debris in the room and neatly up onto the bed, where he started purring loudly. Sirius put away his wand, staggering over, and ran his hand over the cat's soft orange fur. The purring seemed to calm his nerves and the urge to pace and curse and mutter slowly melted away, and he felt suddenly quite tired and knelt by the bed, his forehead against the little ball of fur's back.

He closed his eyes.

Bamp, bamp.

Rodger had tapped Sirius with his foot to wake him up from a sleep Sirius hadn't realized he was falling into. He must've done for a good time, too, because the morning had come, however dreary it may have been, and his knees hurt something terrible. He was stiff as he stood up and his back cricked as he groaned.

The radio was still playing.

If I should stay I would only be in your way
So I'll go, but I know
I will think of you every step of the way...

And I - I - I will al-ways loooove yoooooou
I will always love you
My darling, hmm...

Bittersweet memories
That is all I am taking with me
So goodbye, please don't cry
We both know that I, I am not what you need...