Estranged | ✓

XXXXI. romantic comfort

anupamaa:

I pushed open the door of his apartment.
I could hear literal sobs.

My heart wrenched.
I had never heard him cry this way.
Never in all those years.

I slowly walked down to the bedroom.
He was sitting on the floor, his back resting on the bed.
His face, buried in his hands, like a child who had just been scolded. His orange tuxedo was on the bed. He was in his shirt on the floor.

I took a step towards him.

"Go-go away! Leave me alone!", He shouted.
"Vanraj ji-"
"LEAVE!", He looked up. His eyes were bloodshot.
"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!"

His pain turns to anger before others.

"I won't, Vanraj ji.", I said simply. He stood up.
"Why? Why won't you? Who the hell do you think you are?!", He shouted.
I stood firmly where I was.

I could see the fear and frustration. He somehow felt I would judge him.
And I couldn't blame him either.
His own son said he was a coward because he cried behind closed doors.

He took the step towards me. His eyes glinted menacingly. I felt the strange old fear grip me.

"You want me to push you out of here?", He asked in a dangerous whisper.
I drew in a deep breath.

I took a step towards him.
"So I must then.", He said. He was about to catch hold of my hand when I wrapped my hands around him.
Tightly.
As tightly as I could.

"Why can't you just leave me alone-"

"I love you. I love you, Vanraj ji-"

"It-It doesn't matter! Just leave me-", he tried to push me away but I wouldn't let go.
For how long would he do it?
He'd ultimately give up.

And he did.

"Leave me..", his voice toned down to a weak whisper.
"I won't. Not now, not ever.", I said. I could hear his heartbeat. It was wild.

"Why..? Didn't you hear..? My son said I am a coward... He deserved better..", He whispered. The voice of a defeated man.
I finally released him. He just sat back on the bed.

I noticed an injury on his cheek.
But I chose to sort this issue first.

"He's a kid...", I whispered helplessly.
He suddenly stood up.
"No.. I-I can't stay with you-you.. you deserve better.. my children deserve better-", he said, desperately.
He looked at me, his eyes held more pain than I could imagine.

"I-I don't deserve- I don't deserve even my parents.. I-I don't deserve to live-", he mumbled. He glanced past me at the balcony.
And I understood instantly.
He was about to rush past me when I stood right before him forcing him back.

"Let me go! I don't deserve to live! I have been torturing you-"

I pushed him back onto the bed with all my strength.
He fell back.
And instantly sat up.
"Why are you stopping me?!", He growled.
"Have you lost your mind?!", I snapped at him. I walked down to him.