A image can cover so much pain (oasis/Liam Gallagher)

Just Gotta Be Normal

Maggie woke Liam up, she'd left it as late as she could but he had to get home, Kelly's mum was coming over.
"Here's some coffee, we need to get you sorted, Kelly's mum is coming to yours remember."
"Thanks, need it. I feel like shit"
Maggie decided not to mention last night unless Liam brought it up, she wasn't even sure he remembered what happened.
"Liam I've packed Katie's bag and put your stuff in a bag, so all you have to do is get yourself together"
Liam smiled at her Maggie was a godsend she put up with so much from them all and still she kept them together, she was so much more than a tour manager, she was a friend.
"You are a godsend. I'm sorry about last night, really. So please don't worry about it"
"Liam what I said still stands. I'm here for you, I'll help you in anyway I can. Just know you can talk to me, anytime"
"Ta"
Liam quickly grabbed a shower, found a shirt and tracksuit bottoms, he could get changed when he got home. He knew he'd have to sneak out the back door but Maggie had her car so she was gonna drop him home. He was pretty much ready to head off when there was a knock on the door, Maggie opened it Noel walked in.
"Oh you're up, didn't think you'd manage it. Thank god for Maggie eh, I'm guessing she ended up looking after both you and Katie last night, you owe her fucking big time. Now you need to pull yourself together, you need to be on your best behaviour. This is serious, today could affect if you get to keep Katie or not, affect your access actually not just yours but mam's, mine, Paul, the family so you need to think, to use what little of a brain you have. You understand?"
"Of course I fucking do, maybe you could be supportive instead of being a dick. Now I have to go I want to get changed and stuff before she gets to mine. So give Katie a cuddle and fuck off"
Noel went over and picked Katie up
"You're daddy is such an idiot isn't he but he's a idiot who loves you, me, uncle Paul and grandma love you too"
Noel kissed her on the head, put her down, walked over to Liam,
"You, pull yourself together and fucking behave"
Then he left.
Maggie headed to the car park, she wished she had put her coat on, the wind was freezing, Katie would need another blanket.
Maggie got in the car but sat there thinking for a bit. She felt for Liam, everything had happened so fast, his life had changed overnight. Then she realised something, Liam hadn't had a chance to mourn Kelly, he hadn't even been allowed to go to the funeral, her parents had asked him not to since most of the family didn't know about him, they knew about Katie obviously, that his name was Liam and currently Katie was living with him but they didn't know about his fame, about him being in oasis. They had also said him going might turn the funeral into a circus with press hanging around, it being splashed over the papers etc and they were worried he'd turn up drunk, high then drink more at the wake and cause trouble. So all he had been able to do was sneak to the grave to lay flowers and deal with it all alone. She realised no one actually knew what he was going through, how it felt, people seemed to forget he had not just gained a daughter but he'd lost a girlfriend, he had become a single parent, the mother of his child had died after giving birth to his child, he had to feel guilty, responsible and it must be tearing him apart.
Bonehead had come to help Liam get to the car, Liam had the bags, bonehead got Katie, Liam shut the door and they headed down the back stairs, Maggie was already there waiting so Liam threw his bags in the boot, fastened Katie in and sat in the back with her, as they drove round the front Liam made sure to shield Katie from view just in case but thankfully the press were focused on the main doors, soon they would have Noel to occupy them so maybe they wouldn't notice Liam had sneaked out the back. The traffic was light so it didn't take that long to get home.
"I'll help you in then head off, your mum's already tided up, got some food and things for Katie in. You're lucky she's so organised, remember she loves you, she's there for you and she wants to help"
"I know. Mam is a fucking angel. I just feel I've let her down you know"
Liam grabbed the bags, Maggie got Katie and they headed in.
Liam opened the door slowly but shut it quickly
"Mam it's just me. You ok?"
"Ah Liam your back, guessing Maggie kept you on time (she laughed) now I've got the food in so I'll make us all a nice meal, I've sorted your table out, you should wash it more often. Your dinner set was still in its box, you've had it since you moved here, you should use it, the plates are better than the ones you're using"
Liam dropped his bags on the floor and took Katie from Maggie
"Don't put them there, put them in your room"
"Sorry"
Liam put Katie down and took his bags in his room just as Katie started crying.
Liam ran back through to pick her up, she probably needed to be fed. Maggie had picked her up and Peggy was already making a bottle
"I'll take her Maggie, let you get off. Thank you so much Mags I really couldn't have done this without you"
"You'll be fine Liam. I'll call you. Bye Peggy"
"Bye Maggie, thank you for all your help"
Now it was just Liam, Peggy and Katie. Peggy had finished feeding Katie and was sitting with her in her arms. Liam sat down next to them, Peggy hated seeing Liam sad, it wasn't something she was used to, Liam had always been the most confident, happy, full of life one out of the three. Yet here he was looking sad, worried, stressed. He was too young for all this, he wasn't ready but he was in it now and all she could do now was help him in every way she could.
"Mam can I tell you something?"
"Liam you know you can tell me anything, I'm your mother"
"I miss Kelly, I never got to say goodbye, I never got to be a decent boyfriend, I ain't even had a chance to process she's gone"
"I know son, I know it hurts but she isn't completely gone, she lives on through this little girl and the best way to remember her is to take care of Katie. Now go and get changed, sort yourself out Cathy will be here in an hour, if you're quick enough you might be able to have a relax before hand"
Liam stood up, he grabbed a ashtray
"I'm gonna have a smoke while I'm getting ready, you said you didn't want me smoking in the same room as Katie"
Peggy gave Liam a look, he smiled and went into his room. After sorting out some black jeans and light brown shirt he went into his bag and retrieved the last of his coke, which was actually quite a lot and some pills, he did a few lines, took a couple of pills, dropped the rest in a empty paracetamol bottle and hid everything in the top drawer. He checked his hair, put his Rolex on and lit a cigarette. Standing at the window he watched the world go by, people getting on with their daily lives, it calmed him down, just watching people. He went back through to the living room, Peggy was changing Katie's nappy and had the baby bath ready
"Liam can you pass me one of her towels and a clean baby grow please"
Liam passed a towel and found her Man City baby grow
"Liam come on is there not a cute pink one? You want her to look nice for Cathy and I don't think the Man City one is really right for today"
"Come on mam, there's nowt wrong with it."
Peggy kept on at him until he found a pink one with cats on. Once she was all sorted Peggy passed her to Liam and went to get herself ready.
He'd only been sitting down for about ten minutes when there was a knock on the door.
He opened it to see Cathy with a few bags
"Come in, my mams just sorting herself out. Just put the bags there and sit yourself down. Would you like a tea or coffee?
"I'll have a tea thanks, I'll look after her while you're making it. I brought some presents from the family"
Liam passed her Katie, hopefully she wouldn't run away with her or anything
"Ah cool, thanks. We can have a look once we've had the drinks"
Just as Liam was heading into the kitchen Peggy appeared
"Liam be nice, behave, don't swear, just be a normal person."
"Don't worry mam I'll be good"
She rushed into the living room and he went into the kitchen. He could feel the drug's really kicking in, maybe he took a bit too much but it was too late now, god he'd probably fucked it up already. He switched the kettle on and noticed Peggy had set out three matching cups, he hadn't even realised he had matching cups but he decided to still use his Man City one and let them stick to the matching ones.
He took the drinks into the living room and put them on the coffee table
"I know you two have kinda met but I'll introduce you properly anyway. Mam this is Cathy, Cathy this is Peggy. Mam's staying here at the minute to help me out, make sure I know what I'm doing (he laughed nervously) your welcome to come over anytime, just give me a call"
"Hi Peggy, it's nice to meet you and get a chance to get to know you properly. It's good you're helping him out, I know oasis takes up a lot of his time and it will take time for him to work out a balance, I'm sure Noel will help with that. I would like to maybe make an arrangement to see Katie on a particular day and if I have times I want to visit I can call you"
"You don't need to pick a day, you're welcome anytime. The thing with a set day would be if that day turned out to be my chance to see her if I've been busy with the band other days. Sometimes I only get my schedule at the start of the week, or a weeks notice for a tour. I can't guarantee when I'm busy or not. I do plan to get things sorted, like in terms of how much I'm away, how busy I am but that might take a little while. Maybe once that's sorted we can set a day"
"Oh Liam obviously if it fell on a day you needed the time I'd rearrange it, I don't want to stop you spending time with her. Your right though it probably would be better to leave it until you're more sorted to arrange a day (she turned to Peggy) and Peggy I would like to help you, maybe we could share the looking after her, take turns obviously she'll still be living here but I could take her for a day, overnight or whatever, give you a break. At the end of the day she's my granddaughter too so I should take responsibility too, I want to look after her too"
"Me and Liam will never stop you seeing her, I know you love her, she's a part of Kelly you still have. I love her too, she's a part of my Liam too and I can't imagine how you feel having lost Kelly, I still have that idiot. So I get how special she is to you, so we will never stop you seeing her but I do need you to promise you won't try to take her away from Liam, give him a chance, let's try to make a family and trust me if I ever felt Liam couldn't look after her I'd be the first to do something about it"
Both smiled at each other. Liam wasn't quite sure what to do or say at that point so just sat drinking his coffee, he needed to show he could do this but didn't want to say something stupid, if he was honest he wanted to be anywhere but this room he felt so uncomfortable. He decided if he said he said he was going to the toilet he could sneak into his room for five minutes to think, so he made his excuse and nipped into his room. They had a couple of hours before food so hopefully his mam would help him with the conversation there, he looked around, knew he shouldn't but did a few line's anyway before he headed back.
"So I've got Katie booked in for her check up on Wednesday afternoon, you know just check things are ok. She's been fine so I'm not too worried"
"Yes she seems fine but you never know so it's always best to keep on top of the check up's."
Cathy went over and got the bags she'd bought with her.
"These three bags are teddies, clothes and blankets off the family and friends, just normal presents you know. I brought a couple of Kelly's teddies and a teddy and blanket she had when she was a baby. I made up a photo album for her too, so she has pictures of her mum you know"
"Thanks. That's great. Say thank you to everyone for me. At some point we do need to talk to the rest of the family, I'd like to meet them at some point you know, but there's plenty of time for all that."
"I'll tell them thank you and we'll sort something out with the family when things are more settled"
Katie was getting restless and started to cry, Peggy knew what she wanted but knew it probably wouldn't go down well
"Cathy I think Katie wants her daddy so it's probably best you pass her to Liam"
She looked upset and a bit pissed off, like she couldn't understand why she would want Liam over her, she handed her over and as soon as Liam got her comfortable in his arms she settled down and stopped crying, it was obvious to Peggy she was gonna be a daddy's girl and would have Liam wrapped around her little finger.
Cathy got a smaller bag out of one of the big ones
"I also have something for you Liam. I made you a photo album of Kelly. Some from when she was a kid, a few from the last four or five years, a lot from when you knew her and we found a couple of cameras and films in her things when we got them developed there were quite a few of you together so I put them in the album too. She had a framed one of you both in her bedroom I brought that incase you wanted to put it in your bedroom. We've boxed up the rest of her stuff your welcome to look through it to see if there is anything you would like to have"
"Do you have her name badge from the hotel?"
"I think it's in one of the boxes why?"
"I'd really like to have that."
It sounded stupid he knew but it was how they met, at the hotel.
"And thank you so much for the photos, I don't have any of her"
Peggy stood up to go and get the food started, she refused help as usual telling Liam Katie wanted him and telling Cathy she was a guest. When Katie was asleep Liam headed to the kitchen to help but after ten minutes Peggy chased him out saying he was just getting under her feet. Peggy made a two course meal, main and dessert which the sat at the table to eat, Liam felt a bit posh with table cloth, napkins, matching cutlery, plates and bowls being used in his own house but it looked nice. He got everyone a glass of wine and they went back through to the living room, they had been sitting chatting for about twenty minutes when there was a knock on the door
"Liam, you expecting anyone?"
"No mam, not that I'm aware of"
As he slowly walked to the door he began to panic, what if it was Pez with drugs he forgot he'd ordered, Kyle checking up on him, someone asking him to the pub, his therapist angry cos he still hadn't arranged an appointment, opening the door it turned out to be Noel who looked a bit high and a bit drunk.
"Took ya fucking time to open the door, too drunk to walk in a straight line are you or maybe so high you thought the sound was in ya head. There'll be beer in the fridge right"
Noel went through to the kitchen and began rummaging around in the fridge. Peggy looked embarrassed, Cathy looked shocked and Liam wasn't sure what to do. Noel came back through with his can and a can he handed to Liam
"Noel don't fucking shout. I'm busy you can't stay"
"What the fuck Liam you always shout plus what the hell do you have to do"
"Noel this is Kelly's mam Cathy you have met a couple of times, she's over seeing Katie and mam cooked a meal. I did tell you, you did know"
"Shit. I'm sorry Cathy, still getting used to all this you know. I've had a fight with Meg, she won't speak to me, locked herself in a room. I had a few drinks and wanted someone to shout at and argue with and well I can always count on you rkid for that sort of thing. Guess that's gonna have to change now"
"Good, it will be good to see my son's being nice to each other for a change. Now come on there's some food left, I'll put some on a plate for you and you can sit at the kitchen table, eat it and drink some coffee"
"I'm sorry about my brother, it's not often he turns up at my door, we see so much of each other through the band we really don't hang out together outside the band. So this isn't a typical thing. Again there is adjustments to be made cos Noel wants to help and he's Katie's uncle"
"It's ok Liam, I know enough about you to be aware of your relationship with Noel. I would prefer it if you didn't swear around Katie though as I really don't want her first word to be fuck"
There it was, the little dig. The pointing out how he was already a bad influence"
"Language is something you need to think about. Not just the swearing but also the slang you use, how you pronounce things especially with your accent. Katie needs to learn English not a strange Mancunian working class dialect version of it, if she is going to school in London then talking like that will make her stand out, she could be bullied, she'll sound like she's stupid"
"Are you saying I sound like I'm stupid? Of course I'm gonna make sure she knows how to speak properly. Look I'm from Manchester, she's half Mancunian, she's Irish descent I'm not gonna deny that side of her, I'm proud to be from Manchester but at the same time I'm not gonna deny that either. Anyway who said she'd be going to school in London, I might want her to school in Manchester."
"You can't say that, it would mean you'd be moving back up there. Away from me"
"Truth is I haven't even thought about shit like that, I'm just trying to get the here and now sorted. You need to stop judging me before you know how I'm gonna deal with everything, give me a chance to learn. I'll be truthful what you said pissed me off so I wanted to see your face when you realised I could make a simple decision that could change everything and you couldn't do anything about it. So how about instead of trying to get one over on each other, you stop pointing out things I might do wrong and instead work together to make things work"
Cathy knew Liam wasn't gonna be pushed around and the more she tried the more he would push back and straight away he'd known what one of Cathy's biggest fears would be, him moving back to Manchester with Katie. She knew Peggy would be going back at some point but in reality it would be a lot easier for her to visit or Liam visit her because at the end of the day Liam had the money to pay for travel at anytime, even last minute, even if one of them just woke up and decided they fancied it that day, they wouldn't have to worry about somewhere to stay, if needed Liam could afford a hotel. Plus Cathy was pretty sure he was going to buy his own place up in Manchester as his second house.
"Ok I'm sorry, I just, I'm just having a hard time with this, I'm worried about Katie, about not being able to control how she's brought up, you're different in so many ways, your fame is going to affect her so much. I don't mean to be horrible, I really don't. And I'm so scared you're gonna take her away from me I know you said you wouldn't but I still worry"
"I won't take her away, the only time I would maybe think about it would be if you keep fighting me, keep telling me I'm not good enough, picking out problems that might happen. If you work with me, help me, support me then there won't be any issues, you can spend time with her anytime you want. So let's forget the stuff from today and start working together"
Cathy nodded and Liam handed her Katie.
Peggy had been finished with Noel ages ago but she had just waited behind the door listening, she had realised it was a conversation Liam and Cathy needed to have, they needed to work out how far they could push each other, how far the other would push back, how far they would go. And then reach a compromise.
"I've got Noel settled, once he's eaten and calmed down we can get him a taxi home or book him a hotel. I've took the alcohol off him and gave him coffee, he seems to be sobering up a bit"
Cathy noticed it was getting late, so she should head home, she handed Katie to Liam as she got up, for the first time she looked into his eyes and she could see how much he loved Katie
"It's getting late I better get going, I've gotta catch two buses and I'm not sure of the times"
"Don't worry about the buses, I'll pay for a taxi."
Liam passed Katie to Peggy and walked over to his wallet to grab some cash
"Fifty should cover it, right. If there's change just keep it"
"That will be more than enough, thank you"
Liam smiled, called a taxi and walked Cathy to the door when it arrived.
When he came back in Noel was sitting on the settee.
"You ok? Sorry bout the interruption, it's just when I want an argument you can always be counted on."
"Ish, she had a bit of a go, I scared her by saying I might move back home, eventually we settled on trying to work together so we'll just have to see how that goes but I think her husband is gonna be the problem but luckily he has no say in anything and no rights, he's just Kelly's stepdad"
Noel ended up sleeping on the settee but was back home the next day after Meg called saying she missed him. For the next few weeks the band had little one off things booked like interviews, photo shoots, tv shows, a later with Jools Holland show, an in store performance and a few practice sessions. Peggy and Cathy both took turns watching Katie while Liam was busy but he tried to make sure he was around at all other times except when he had no choice but to stay at a hotel. Peggy was going home when the last booked thing was over and Liam had three weeks off, he was worried as although he'd been doing a lot Peggy had still always been there, in support, to help him when he got stuck, to let him get some sleep but once she left he would be on his own, just him and Katie and that terrified him.
The night before Peggy was due to leave she decided it was probably time she had a long, serious talk with him. He was her youngest son, she loved him so much, she let so much go, it wasn't that she didn't know what he got up to but it just wasn't something they talked about and there were things a son won't talk to their mothers about. But now some things needed to be said and she needed him to know the one problem that would last a lifetime, he was in the opposite situation to her, she was a mother looking after son's, he was going to be a father looking after a daughter. It was going to be hard.
Then there was the talk about the drugs, the drink, the sex, the revolving door of girls. She wasn't looking forward to it but it had to be done.
Liam was getting annoyed, they were recording one song for a tv show that was due to be aired in three days, now it should have been simple just go in do one practice run through then do the actual one, maybe do two recordings at most but no the guys from the show were being picky and had just asked them to do a fourth take.
"Come on guys just do it again, I want to get it perfect. Maybe we could stand Liam nearer to Noel"
"It was perfect the first time we did it and if you put me any nearer him I'll end up cracking him with my tambourine."
He walked to the amp and took a bottle of beer from behind it, they were running low on alcohol so in Liam's mind the second the last mouthful had gone, he was going home.
"Ok we'll do one more but as Liam said don't move him any closer to me, he's pissing me off"
The set off again and Noel definitely thought they'd nailed it, then another guy came over and spoke to the one barking the orders.
"Ok guys apparently the individual shots aren't as good as we want so we need to film it again"
"For fucks sake can't you just cut the best bits from each one and stick them together, I'll buy you some sticky tape"
Liam's comment seemed to upset one of the cameramen but he didn't care, he couldn't be arsed to do it again.
"Do you not want your bit to look good? There are other bands on the show do you want them to show you up"
"We are the best, end of. And I'll punch anyone who says otherwise"
Noel decided it was best to just get on with it, Liam was getting really pissed off, the longer it dragged out the more Liam drank and at the end of the day Liam needed to get home to Katie.
But sadly the guy asked for one more and Liam flipped out, he shouted, he threw things, he was up in the guys face. Security made their way over but we're told to stand down, whitey managed to steer Liam back to the stage and gave him a beer, Noel was in conversation with the shows people while the rest of the band concentrated on making sure Liam didn't walk out. A deal was struck for them to do one more take and then leave, Noel wasn't sure how good it was gonna be or even if Liam would stay for the whole song but it was the best plan. Liam was still drinking, he shouldn't be but no way was Noel gonna try take it off him when he was in this mood, it wasn't worth it. They sorted out to go through it again, Noel was telling them all what to do, where to stand, how to come across during the song when suddenly a tambourine hit his head.
"We know what to do, we're not fucking stupid"
"Liam, you fucking bastard you nearly took my eye out. Stop being a fucking cunt and get on with it, let's get it over and done with"
Liam stuck two fingers up at Noel
"Fuck off"
The people in the studio looked worried, scared Noel and Liam were gonna kick off at each other, if they did should they send security in, let the rest of the band to sort it out or ignore it, sometimes getting involved in a fight between brothers could go seriously wrong, but they just ignored each other and decided to get on with their job's within the band. Liam's performance was full of aggression and anger, the passion was amazing. It turned out to be the best take of the day, maybe they just preformed better after an argument. When they finished they headed to the dressing room to get their stuff.
"Fucking six takes, I should have just left after the second. I hate picky fuckers."
"Well we get to go home now so shut up. I could only get one car so it's gonna drop me at mine, Liam at his then come back and take you three to the hotel, you can get a drink in the pub next door while you wait"
"Can I not wait in the pub"
"No you need to get home"
The car arrived, Dave was driving. Which meant Noel could give Liam a lecture he was already so pissed off at Noel he was bound to bite back. They hadn't even been in the car five minutes before Noel started
"I thought you were staying off the alcohol, now you're gonna walk in drunk and angry, mam's gonna love that. She's leaving tomorrow right? Do you really think you're sensible enough to be left on your own with Katie? Though I guess you've gotta learn sometime, I just hope she doesn't suffer while you do. I've spoken to Meg she'll pop in to see how your doing, her friend lives near you so it will be easy for her to do it on the way to her friends. Now I hope you've got rid of all the alcohol and drugs, don't get anyone round for sex and just remember she's there"
"I'm not fucking stupid, I've been doing a lot myself, mam helped when I got stuck. Yes she's going tomorrow but come on she wouldn't leave if she thought I wouldn't be able to do it, she wouldn't go if she thought Katie might suffer. At least mam has faith in me, seems she's the only one since the rest of you think I'm gonna fuck up and be useless. You can tell Meg not to bother I don't want her turning up, judging me, telling me I'm doing stuff wrong she doesn't like me so all she's gonna do is pick faults"
"She wants to help Liam, she's putting aside her feelings about you in order to help you could at least do the same and appreciate the help."
"Whatever"
They pulled up outside supernova heights and Meg came to the car as Noel got out, she opened Liam's door and actually smiled at him
"I got some stuff for Katie. Just some clothes, blanket and a teddy. Just something small from uncle Noel and auntie Meg, be nice to see her, I'll probably pop in next week"
Auntie Meg? Liam hadn't said she could be auntie Meg, obviously they had just assumed that's what she'd be. Liam felt like arguing about it but decided he couldn't be bothered
"Thanks and sure I'll see you next week"
That was if he decided to open the door. Noel went in and they pulled off again.
"How are you Liam? Really how are you. Have you made an appointment with your therapist yet? If you need someone to babysit when you go just call me and I'll come over"
"To be honest I'm shit scared, I don't think I can do it but I've got no choice, which I hate. I'm sick of people telling me I'm gonna fail it seems only mam has faith in me. I'm gonna ring up tomorrow to make an appointment, I've just not had the chance and mam's been with me, I'll let you know if I need a babysitter"
"Liam I've got faith in you, I'm sure you can do it and I'm here to help. One thing I will say though is keep up with your therapy cos you need to look after yourself too"
They had pulled up to Liam's place now so it was time to pretend to be normal, to pretend he knew what he was doing. So he picked up the bag off Meg, got out the car and said goodbye to Dave.
He put his key in the door and took a deep breath and walked in. Peggy knew him too well
"Are you drunk?"