My Heart Bleeds Blue (Eremin)

10

Armin slept in the hospital for the rest of the week, while he was apartment shopping. There was an empty closet around the general area of the wing he worked in, so he designated it to be his temporary home. He hadn't fully processed the death of Eren yet, sure he was emotionally unavailable, but not grieving. 

Surgery was rough, he went back to work as a scrub nurse in the ICU, so seeing more death was, most likely even worse for him. Though nothing could have been as bad as this particular patient for him. It was a girl probably around nineteen at the time and she received Eren's heart. No one knew except the transplant surgeon, as they were trying to be professional. The girl's name was Gabi, she just graduated high school and was planning on joining the military before finding out how serious her condition was. With her particular condition she would need two or three heart transplants in her lifetime. Which probably would be short and painful, she was circling the drain, even with her new heart, it was unlikely she would leave the hospital not in a body bag. 

"Armin, can you take Gabi to pre-op, we have her scheduled for this afternoon." Levi had asked, placing some charts on the nurse's counter to be dealt with accordingly. "Sure" He replied in an enthusiastic tone, though it was obvious he didn't want to. He walked over to Gabi's room, and unlocked the wheels on her bed, pushing her to the elevator using all of his might to shut down all small talk. This failed when Gabi asked why he looked like he hated his life. At this moment Armin looked down and told Gabi exactly why he did hate his life. "Well, for one, I'm homeless, two, my best friend and boyfriend died in this hospital last week. Oh, and the new heart you have, was his. Thats why I look like I hate my life; It's because I do." Gabi looked forward and didn't dare speak another word the rest of the ride. 

Once the pair arrived at pre-op, Armin then had to prep her, change the IV, catheter, etc. It somehow was worse than the elevator ride. After she was prepped Armin left to help set the operating room up. Normally they wouldn't put a load of such capacity onto a single nurse, but like usual there was a shortage of them, nationwide. He scrubbed his hands and put his cap, mask and gloves on, then entered the sterile environment. Tool pouch, check, table lowered, check, step stool, check. The checklist was complete for his duties, all he had to do now was wait. 

-----

Soon enough Gabi was wheeled in and a few moments after, Levi entered, taking his spot on his step stool. "Gabi, count to ten backwards please." Levi asked as he placed the anesthesia mask over her face. "Ten, nine. Eight... Seven... Si-" The last half of the number six was cut short by the anesthesia kicking in. "Alright, ten blade." Levi said as more of a demand than a question, still, even on his step stool he was shorter than everyone in the room. Armin obliged and handed him the glorified X-acto knife, since that was the majority of his job in the OR. 

The surgery was going as planned, though the patient was weaker than they thought, making the operation rougher than usual but nothing they couldn't handle, right? 

Wrong.

They were around arms deep into the chest cavity, repairing an artery that otherwise would have disintegrated. Said artery was repaired and they were starting to suture up the open thorax in front of them when a subtle pop was heard by several doctors and nurses alike. Usually, it could have been a bone moving or anything else for that matter, but this time, they knew it was wrong. A few seconds of wondering passed, until it all hit them, blood squiring from the wound effectively covering them head to toe. It was a stitch.

With out another thought Levi dropped the suture and attempted to clamp the bleeder. Unfortunately for them, it wouldn't stop, with each unit of blood coming in, two went out, there was nothing they could do. 

All Armin did was watch in horror as the heart he loved and listened to beat every night for the last month, flatline. He was completely powerless, the light of humanity dimmed, the same way Erens heart went from pink to a greyish blue. 

That was when Armin knew, what My Heart Bleeds Blue meant. It was a symbol for death he had been carrying around like a symbol of pride. It represented the second you weren't, you anymore and that we all would die eventually. His breathing quickened, unable to get fresh air into his mask, he ran out from the OR, and kept running until he reached the courtyard. The very courtyard his life had taken meaning in, now housed two souls, one in the afterlife, another wishing he were. Armin fell to his knees, still covered in blood from Eren's heart he looked at the flowers that were in the bed. What once were red roses and blue carnations were now wilted and lifeless. No one took care of them once Eren passed, No one even noticed they died. Armin placed his elbows on the grass in front of him to brace for the loudest, angriest, most rage filled scream that was destined to leave his mouth. Not even Armin could prepare for the blood curdling noise that left his vocal cords, it was as if an animal was being ripped limb from limb. Soon the sobs started and there was no stopping the thoughts that came with them. 

Fashback

"Eren, you never told me, why did you pick carnations and roses?" Armin asked, they now were sitting on the bench, gazing upon the beautiful botany. "Oh, well I remember a while back you said you liked carnations and I like roses so, if um- you don't live long enough for us to get out of the hospital, at least our flowers could you know live for us." Eren said trying to hide the flush of pink dusting his cheeks and ears. Armin smiled and leaned closer to Eren, taking in the scene. The carnations were blue, the roses were red, and they both knew, their two hearts bled blue. 

A/N Jesus was that a chapter, and the last one for that matter. I think it was an ok ending, the epilogue will be coming soon, probably tomorrow. To anyone who read this far, thank you for reading my story I genuinely do appreciate it, it means the world that someone would find interest in my writing. Thank you to an IRL friend for offering me constructive criticism, grammar and spelling checks, and other genuine support, I could not have done it without him. Also thank you for my console for allowing me to write this (if there's a screen there's a way.) Once the epilogue comes out, I'll start brainstorming the next fic. I currently am waiting for my AO3 invite to be accepted, there was a mix up with emails, so it should come in on the sixteenth, when my new account is made ill put the account name in my bio, more of my works will be there. 

word count: 1238