Broken In Love

Hard Feelings

A/N Sorry this is so short but I promise more stuff is coming! 

My feelings have been getting worse, I mean every time I’m in the room with her I want to take her hand and hold her or even kiss her. One time I had to get up and leave the room because the feeling was so intense, and that’s not the worse bit the worse bit is knowing my feelings are pointless as I can’t act on them as I know she doesn’t feel the same. I’ve never felt like this before so for normal people this is nothing for me it’s like the end of the world because I don’t know how to deal with it so in the end I Google it.

“Talk to your friends, ask them if they think telling her how you feel is a good move”

I don’t have any other friends.

“Just go for it I mean what do you have to lose?”

Umm everything!

“Try hanging out with other friends”

Still don’t have any other friends.

“Distracted yourself with other things”

Well I could do that, but I’ve known Alison so long it’s going to weird spending time without her and how do I do it without her figuring out what’s wrong? Just as I’m thinking that Alison rings.

“Hey Jack” she sounds really upbeat and happy.

“Hi” I try to sound as happy as I can.

“What do you want to do today?” she asks.

“I can’t today” I lie.

“Why? What’s wrong?” Her happy mood nearly disappears to be replaced by worry.

“I have to go into Uni, Mr Jones wants to see me about my attendance or lack of it...” Though I’m a lot better than I was but I still have problems with people, big groups of them as they remind me of things I don’t want to be reminded of and even now I flinch when they walk past. So some days I just can’t face them, can’t face the memories so I don’t go in.

“Aw well that sucks! Do you want me to come with you?” she asks.

“No, I’m not dragging you in on your day off” I say.

“Are you sure?” she asks.

“Yeah, Alison I’m not five I can do things on my own” I joke.

“Hahaha I know you just act like it” she laughs.

“Ohh bitchy” I laugh.

“Okay Jack, talk to you later” she says and hangs up.

“I miss you” I say even though she’s gone.

Okay so I have the whole day on my own and it’s been a long time since this has happened and an even longer time since it’s been a good thing. When I was younger about fifteen/sixteen me being on my own was bad, I couldn’t cope with the shit I was going through and used to lash out at things as I didn’t know another way to get out what I was feeling but in the end I stopped as I was causing myself injure but that’s when I fell into the worst depression I’ve ever felt.

I shower, dress, straighten my fridge and head out into the sunshine. I didn’t have a plan for the day I just thought I’d go outside and let my mind wonder for once, I brought my starbucks like I do every time I walk past even what’s it’s not cold and go and sit on a bench in the park. Before I can even take the first sip of my coffee Alison is on my mind but instead of fighting the feeling I just let it stay and flowed around in my mind. As a breeze blows through the trees I notice the flowers, small and sweet they remind me of Alison and that makes me smile just thinking of her, her smile, her bright green eyes that almost seem to shine and her smile with her little dimple on her left cheek. It surprises me how much I notice about her but then if you spend every day with someone you notice all these things right? A girl walks past wearing glasses just like Alison’s and suddenly I miss her; I wish she was sitting next to me right now just so we could be together. Right now I don’t have the feeling of wanting to kiss her which is good as it’s a hard thing to deal with so maybe things are getting better I mean I can deal with just thinking about her.