No name... Yellowstone fanfiction

chapter 16 "honky tonk flame"

"uh, pink" John waved. "Come here a moment" I quickly put down my things and jogged over to mr. Dutton. "It's come to my understanding that you are... You know, and im happy to see that rip is finally creating a family of his own who can hopefully enjoy this ranch just as much as you two do but, it's a liability to have a woman in your condition working in the ways that you are. So I find its best if you pack up your things from the bunkhouse, move on up to rips home and start living your life there. I see rip as a son and having his children Rome this ranch would be a blessing in my eyes. I feel the mother of his child should be kept safe and healthy. Now my daughter, she uh...she's had some complaints about you and such, but you just ignore them. I told her I can't change rips family" I smiled slightly at him. "Thank you sir...I really do appreciate it. I do...and..I.. I really do hope you...you will feel willing to be a grandfather to our child" Johns face lit up at the word grandfather. His smile rang ear to ear. "Of course honey. Of course." John patted my shoulder as he began to walk away. He stopped in the moment then turned around to face me. "I...I also feel responsible for what happened to you...I knew you existed other than jamie...I..I just was never able to find you...I wouldn've loved to raise you as my own" he says and he rubs his chin. I gave him a soft smile. "I think I would've loved that alot more" I say. He sent me with a wave as he stepped away. I look in a deep breath as I looked around. If I wasn't allowed to work then what the fuck was I supposed to do? All I've ever known was fuckin work. I stepped back to the boys who continued their tagging for the season. It was getting cold. Winter was hitting. we were getting prepared Faster than last year. We got word of a winter storm coming. I stood on the fence watching them herd the cattle into one side of the gates. "you ain't getting in there getting dirty?" Lloyd Stepped beside me. I sighed as I rubbed my face tiredly. "Mr Dutton said nope. He'd rather his grandbaby be safe"  Lloyd chuckled "agreed!" He smirked. "Say. Watcha naming it? Lloyd right?"

"I have a lot of time to think about a damn name that's for sure"

"Time will pass faster than you think sugar!" Lloyd called as he hopped the fence to give the boys a hand.
"To the fuckin left jimmy! The other fuckin left fucking idiot!" Rip yelled as usual. I watched rip as he worked. Pieces of me wants to love him...but the other half of me won't let me. I don't know what's going on with my thoughts. I've never loved something. I don't know how to love. That's why I feel I can't be a mother. "Hey honey, the cowboys old lady's shouldn't be down In the workin grounds" rip smirked as he trotted by with his horse. I had one hand on my hip and the other on my very small but noticeable belly. "I ain't your old lady. Did you tell Dutton to tell me not to work?" Rip smirked as he looked away "don't know what you're talking about"

"Rip I told you I was gonna work until I couldn't anymore"

"What if you're 8 months pregnant pink... thinking you can ride a wild stud and get bucked off killing the both of you. It ain't happening pinkers" rip said with a serious face. "I promise you it was John's idea it wasn't mine. He gave me valid points. He's a father of four remember" I gave him a look of irritation. "Don't give me that look you know I'm right. Just take a load off. Go on up to the house and relax" I groaned as I looked away from him. "Get used to it pinks. You're a mother. There ain't gonna be much ranching for you. Just diaper duty" he chuckled. "Yeah no! You're diaper fuckin duty!"

"As long as you stay off your feet I'll be whatever you want me to be. Realistically"

"Want you to get Off my ass how about that?"

"Mmmm I said realistically baby" I swatted my hand at him as I began to walk away. "you're glowing!" He shouts. I simply flipped him the bird as I walked away.

.....

I sat on the front porch on a rocking chair in the cold. I had a blanket draped over my lap and a heavy sweater on. I watched the gloomy sky turn black with a slight pink tone to it, as the sun still existed. I stared at the snow gently flaking to the ground as I noticed rip hiking his way up to the house. "it's freezing what are you doin outside?" He stepped up the porch steps. "I like it outside" I say as he leans down kissing my head. "and i like it when you're warm." He said as he rubbed my cold arms to warm me up. "Come on mama" he held up the blanket that was on my lap and waited for me to stand up. As I walked to the door he draped the blanket over my shoulders. "What's this?" He questioned as he stomped the light snow off his boots before kicking them off at the door. "dinner" I say as I lay the blanket that was once on my shoulders onto the back of the couch. "dinner? You can do that?" He smirked. I laughed slightly. "Yeah I can do that! Smart ass! I figured if I'm stuck in this house for the rest of my life I might as well make use of my womanhood" rip stepped over to me holding my cold cheeks in his warm hands. "it ain't for the rest of your life. You just have to adjust to it. When you have a baby on your hip you will wish you could just lay back and relax like you are now" he rolled up his sleeves as he sat down at the table. I leaned on the back of the couch in the living room as I watched him. He looked back up at me and patted the chair beside him. I sat down next to him. "You alright?" He asked as he felt my forehead. "I'm fine. I'm just..  I'm fine" I sat criss cross in my chair as I picked at my food. "you don't ever PICK at your food. What's goin on. Talk" he says with a mouth full. I sighed as I leaned back. "I feel.. like..I don't know. I feel like I can't possibly be..a good mother...or..or be a house wife I just -"

"It's been three weeks honey. You will get a motherly instinct. You will be just fine. You ain't a house wife. You're a mama" he said as he opened a beer. "Do you..even..see us like...ya know together?" I questioned with hesitation. Rip huffed as he stayed quiet for a moment my anxiety grew. "....i-" we both look up as we hear a knock at the door. Rip looked at me then at the door as he stood up. I sat back in my chair as I watched him open the door. I hear rip sigh as he opens it. "what is it?" 
"I just wanna talk to you" I couldn't see who was at the door but I could hear. "...fine" he says as he shuts the door behind him as he stayed on the porch. After a couple minutes I got out of my chair and glanced out of the kitchen window. There stood rip in the cold holding beth against him. I watched as he swayed her in his arms and kissed her face. My heart felt like it was cracking, but at the same time I prepared myself. I knew this kind of stuff was gonna continue. I wasn't going to say anything. Or react. I sat back down as I watched him wave her goodbye. I hugged myself in my sweater as rip stepped back in from the cold outdoors. Rip sat down without a word. He didn't even think to answer the question I gave him before the door knocked. That's fine. I knew my answer. I had all the answers....