Fly Away - a fighter pilot story

Chapter 28 - Survivor

I don't remember any of that.
I don't remember being to any air shows as a kid.
I don't remember trying to be an airplane.

"I have a picture of you with my hat on, in my office to prove you, that it happened. I might be a lot of things, but I am not a liar when it comes to you, Taylor.", he says, and I can tell he is being honest.

"Still, you always hid the truth from me, and I consider that lying.", I tell him between pressed teeth.

"I told you what you were ready to hear and what you could handle. There was no point in telling you something, that you wouldn't believe to be the truth or that would shatter your beliefs. It's not like I didn't try, but you always pushed me away. All I ever tried was to protect you. Protect my little girl from a horrible fate.", he explains in his usual neutral tone of voice, and I cross my arms in front of my body.

"I pushed you away? It was you who pushed me away all the time. When you weren't on deployment you were gone before I woke up and not back when I went to sleep. All I ever wanted from you was to be there for me. I wanted to tell you how my day was and what I struggled with. And on weekends when we had breakfast, you only listen to mum rambling about different things and telling her that you would fix it. When I wanted to talk to you, you always said, that you needed to finish talking to mum.", I counter angrily. I take a deep breath to calm myself down.

"And then you got up and left the table. If you would have waited another minute, I would have listened to you, because I wanted to be there for you. I wanted to know, how you were doing. How your life progressed. I wanted to tell you how proud I was of you and your achievements. But you were too stubborn in your rage to give me the chance to do so.", he says, and I huff.

"What was the second time?", I ask him dismissively, because I don't want to talk about it further. I can't let him rip open all these old wounds that make me hate him.

"It was when I heard that you would get awarded a Raptor and that you would need to participate in Operation Red Flag. I immediately knew what it would mean for you in the long run. They would test and train you to become someone I would never recognize: merciless, deadly and ready to sacrifice your life no matter what. Traits that I never wanted you to have, because I know from my own experience what a toll it takes to be like that. The decisions you need to make. The missions you would fly. The lives you would take."

Shortly he presses his lips together and I think I heard some helplessness there. Reading between the lines of what he said, I figure that he must have flown high classified missions himself. Missions probably very similar to mine. Maybe Dave was right about the fact that he wanted to protect me. He even said it himself only a few moments ago.

"There would have been many open slots in other squadrons even some with the plane you put on number one of your dream sheet. I tried to talk to them but couldn't bring them to change their perspective and decision. You were after all praised by all your teachers and instructors even though you sometimes gave them hell. That and your dedication to go the extra mile made you stand out. That made them pick you, because you would do everything to get the job done."

I am not even surprised that he knows what plane was on my dream sheet. I know that he held the rank of a captain back then. And even as a captain he already knew people in the right places and was very influential. So, I guess it makes sense that he knows about it. But that can only mean that whoever decided to award me the Raptor was, and probably still is, more influential than he. That must have been someone very high in command.

"Who was it? Who is responsible for awarding me the Raptor?"

"Major general Thomas Green. He was your commanding officer during your pilot training. And he is the same person who dispended your team just to put it together to fly one more mission a few months later.", he replies immediately much to my surprise. I rather thought that he would avoid answering. And he confirmed my suspicions.