wolf: How do you not know what a people opener is? Its pointy- you know? With a handle?
jake: Knife. It's called a knife.
____________________________
donald: Sometimes, I don't realize an event was traumatic until I tell it as a funny story and notice everyone is staring at me weird.
____________________________
*The gang is learning CPR on a test dummy*
jake: So, assessing the situation. Are they breathing?
jimmy: No, jake. They are not breathing. And they have no arms or legs.
jake: No, that's not part of it—
jimmy: Where are they? You know what? If we come across somebody with no arms or legs do we bother resuscitating them? I mean, what kind of quality of life do we have there?
kingsley: I would want to live with no legs.
jimmy: How about no arms? No arms or legs is basically how you exist right now, kingsley. You don't do anything.
jake: All right, well, lets get back to it. 'Cause you're losing him.
jimmy: *pumps frantically*
jake: Okay, too fast. Everyone, we need to pump at a pace of a 100 beats per minute.
jimmy: Okay, that's uh, hard to keep track. How many is that per hour?
wolf: How's that gonna help you?
jimmy: I will divide and then count to it.
wolf: Right.
jake: Okay. Well, a good trick is to pump to the tune of 'Staying Alive' by the Bee Gees. Do you know that song?
jimmy: Yes, yes I do. I love that song. *clears throat, begins to sing* First I was afraid, I was petrified.
(no jimmy thats i will survive💀)
____________________________
jake: Damn, the power went out.
wolf: Don't worry, I got this.
wolf: *stomps foot*
jake: What-?
wolf: *Sketchers light up*
____________________________
donald: Can I get a waffle?
jimmy and wolf: *fighting and yelling at each other*
donald: Can I p l e a s e get a waffle?
____________________________
kingsley: What are you drinking?
wolf: Vodka.
kingsley: Straight?
wolf: No, gay. Why?
____________________________
jake: What's up with jimmy? He's been laying on the floor for like....an hour now?
forrest: He's just a little overwhelmed.
jake: Why?
forrest: wolf smiled at him.
____________________________
kingsley: When I said bring me something back from the beach I meant like a conch shell!
wolf: *Struggling to hold a seagull* Fucking say that next time!
____________________________
donald: I think we can all agree I'm the ten amongst these threes.
____________________________
wolf: *is throwing stones at jimmy's window*
jimmy: You have a phone for a reason, wolf!
*THUD*
jimmy: DID YOU JUST THROW YOUR PHONE AT MY WINDOW?!
____________________________
wolf: Dandelions symbolize everything I want to be in life.
forrest: Fluffy and dead with a gust of wind?
wolf: Unapologetic. Hard to kill. Feral, filled with sunlight, bright, beautiful in a way that the conventional and controlling hate but cannot ever fully destroy. Stubborn. Happy. Bastardous. Friends with bees. Highly disapproving of lawns. Full of wishes that will be carried far after I die.
jimmy: Edible.
____________________________
wolf: Guys, there's a monster under my bed and it's really ugly.
forrest, on the bottom bunk: Honestly, fuck you.
____________________________
wolf: I did it! I memorized everything in the book! I'm gonna ace this test!
jake: Ok, wolf, I'll give you one more question before you go. What ended in 1918?
wolf: 1917.
jake: ...You're ready.
____________________________
jake: Would you rather kill forrest, or—
wolf: Yes, kill them.
jake: I didn't say the other thing—
wolf: I don't need to hear it.
forrest: ...I'm feeling a little unsafe.
____________________________
Store Worker: Would a "donald" please come to the front desk?
donald, arriving at the desk: Hello, is there a problem?
Store Worker, pointing to jimmy, wolf, jake and forrest: I believe they belong to you?
jimmy, wolf, jake and forrest, simultaneously: We got lost.
donald: I didn't even bring you guys here with me—
____________________________
wolf: You ever see something that changes your life and you're just like "huh.."
jimmy: I saw you.
wolf: Honestly that's so cute and sweet but it kinda makes this awkward because I was gonna show you a picture of kingsley in a turkey costume.
____________________________
donald: Why are you doing this?
forrest: Same reason I do everything, donald. To get somebody to like me.
____________________________
wolf, washing the dishes: Who the fuck used this pan??
wolf: Wait. I the fuck used this pan...
donald: It was you the fuck.
wolf: It was I the fuck...
kingsley: Who cooks rice in a pan?
donald: They the fuck.
____________________________
jimmy: As top in this relationship, I think we should-
wolf: I can't believe you're pulling rank on me.
____________________________
well this was a short one lel
tbh idk what write next so uh drop suggestions
just a lil more incorrect quotes
Start from the beginning
