Sparks Fly | ✓

0:47

"I'm angry, upset. Whichever one you want to call it. I feel like I'm a genuinely nice person, but people constantly take advantage of that." She explained, her voice gaining its strength with every word that she spoke.

"Then I'm painted out to be the bad guy. I'm the villain in everyone's story, and at first I didn't really mind — because you're always gonna be a villain in someone's story. It kind of gives you the power, and control that you want, or need to cope."

Fatima could see that she was freely coming out of her shell as she justified her anger. Which was definitely something she noted down mentally. She wasn't one to use a notebook during a session. She felt like it desensitized the process, and took away from her being present within the session. She'd always write her thoughts, and report after a session.

"My mother thought it was a wise idea to fly in last night. After constantly doing me wrong. After recently doing me wrong. I don't understand why she thought I'd open up my arms wide for her. She thought I'd invite her into my home? Like let's be forreal. She doesn't get to do that. Then my dad calls me upset that I sent her to a hotel? Like be so forreal? After all that she did to me? What about how Shane feels?"

"Right." Fatima agreed, edging her to carry on with her rant. She knew that Shane probably needed to let all her thoughts out — so she was giving her the platform before she pushed her to dig deeper.

"Maybe you can tell me if I'm wrong. I don't think I'm wrong." Shane paused, shrugging her shoulders.

"Is this where the feeling of betrayal comes in?" Fatima chose to ask, instead of answering Shane's question.

"You're the therapist in this room, might as well tell me." She let a breath out through her nose.

"Okay, now you're being aggressive." Fatima mentioned, a smile still on her face. She leaned back into the couch she was seated in — not offended at all with Shane's outburst.

"I don't know what you want me to tell you. I just don't."

"Okay. That's still okay. One step at a time Shane. This is a process. It's not a wand you magically wave, and everything falls into place. Then all of a sudden you're okay. I'm not here to just let you vent, then tell you what the problem is either. I'm here to help you process, and identify what the real problem is. I'm here to help you allow God to invade the parts of you that are broken, so that you can heal — and essentially grow, so you become a better person. Not to say you aren't a good person, but everyone should be aiming to be better than their version of yesterday."

"It's not my responsibility to heal you. You have to want to be better. That means not justifying your emotions, but looking at why you're feeling those emotions — and thus dealing with your emotions. Not trying to bury them, or dwell within them. You feel me?" She'd been quiet, but she also knew that she needed to give it to Shane straight. It seemed like that's the only way she liked it.

She remained silent for a moment, visibly thinking through what had been said. She knew that she was still trying to protect herself even though this process was bound by the legal law. She had no reason to be difficult, but that's all she'd become accustomed to. It was her go-to defensive mechanism, even she knew that.

"I do want to heal." Shane spoke slowly, "I just don't know how. It's easier to continue down the path I've been going down. It's become me. It's who I am." She sighed, once again rubbing her fingers against each other.

"You and I both know that's not true Shane. You are not your emotions, your emotions are only supposed to help you express yourself, or understand who you actually are. They are not who you are. For example, you're supposed to figure this out by yourself, but you're not an angry human being — you're a hurt individual, who is expressing hurt in anger, aggression, whatever defensive mechanism you choose to use. Those are the type of things you'll get to explore in this space."