Sparks Fly | ✓

0:47

She remained silent, constantly running her hands through her locs. The room too remained silent, as troubled thoughts were all that swirled within her mind. Yet she felt like the room was consuming her. The efforts of the pastel colored blue wall did nothing to calm the chaos that ran through her. All she knew was that she needed to be good by the time she left her office.

"Shane." Fatima called out to her. She'd been watching her, noting her every movement. She'd gone as far as noticing the beaded bracelets that adorned her wrist today, which was something new. She always had a watch. Yet today she didn't, and she kept pulling at her bracelets too.

"Shane. I need you to talk to me if this is going to work." She encouraged her. She kept a low tone, kind too, as she tried to crack open the shell Shane had buried herself in.

"There's just a lot going on in my brain Dr. Webb, forgive me if I don't know what to say. Just be glad I'm here." She almost sneered, but her shaky voice was the dead giveaway - she wasn't doing okay.

"I get that." She responded, and watched her mouth twist, and her eyes close. "However, that turmoil is only gonna go if you speak. Let it out. This space exists for just that."

She opened her mouth, then she closed it. She didn't even know what to say. Her heart was extremely sore, so much so that her eyes became blurry. The fight within her pushed her to gaze at the ceiling, instead of bowing in defeat.

"Don't fight your emotions, or how you feel. The more you fight, the more you fall deeper into them. Let's start with a simple question. Tell me all the emotions you're feeling right now."

Shane cracked a smile, shaking her head. "The fact that you think that's the easiest question to answer almost made me laugh."

"Maybe that was my intention all along. From the top of your head, which emotions are you feeling right now?" Fatima gently pushed her again, not giving her room to deflect. She'd been warned that Shane was a tough cookie, so as much as she wanted to make her feel comfortable and go at her pace - which was always encouraged. She knew that she also had to loosely take a hold of the rails.

She sighed. "I don't know...frustration, because you're asking me this question, and I honestly don't know how to answer it. I'm upset too, I can tell. I'm almost always upset. Uhmm..."

"Maybe, betrayal too." She ended off quietly, slowly rubbing her fingers yet again. She refused to make eye contact.

"Now, was that hard?" Fatima gently smiled, her eyes still on Shane.

"I don't know." She mindlessly shrugged. "Deciphering through my emotions is a hard ask because I always try not to think about them. In all honesty, it's easier to stay upset."

"Why do you find it easier?"

Again Shane shrugged, but this time she remained silent. She knew the answer to that question, she was a smart girl. She just never liked to admit the truth to herself.

"I guess it's always been easier to stay angry, upset I mean. It automatically masks the weaker emotions, and I don't have to deal with those." She sucked the corner of her bottom lip, biting it before she released it.

"I'm kind of impressed that you know your why."

"I'm the daughter of a psychiatrist, Dr. Webb. Of course I'd know how to psychoanalyze myself." She lightly smiled, sort of proud of herself for sharing the truth as it was. She honestly did not think she would.

"Fair enough. You can pick whichever emotion you want to. Tell me why you're feeling it."

The answer came almost instantaneously. This had been the trigger after all. This was why she'd bothered to show up to therapy straight after her work hours were complete.