Till there was you (Fruk)

9

I gave Arthur the side eye as I looked at him holding his chest. He looked like he was in pain. Once again, it was my fault for head-butting him really hard. "Now! What happened? Your argument caused a butterfly effect! The two of you have been hostile lately! And more than usual! What is going on? Get it out now! I'll be the mediator!" Germany declared.

"England can go first... the keywords to use are 'I feel,' or 'it makes me feel.' The two of you need to express clearly!"

"Right...well... I feel that Franci—Mr. France is jealous that I'm really popular right now, and he is taking it out on me like a child. I feel it is a silly reason to be upset with me!"

"Good...now France!"

"Yeah...well, I feel that England has turned into a condescending asshole who thinks he is better than everyone else! Which he isn't!"

As I said this, Arthur began to yawn as if he were bored. It pissed me off even more. "Let's try to refrain from calling each other names. Now...what would a resolution be?" Germany asked. "There is no resolution! France must admit he is jealous of me and get it over with!" Arthur demanded. He crossed his arms, glaring at me. "I'm not jealous of your sadist, tea-loving, music-worshiping country!"

"England? Anything to add?"

"Yes...I don't think I can stand to be around someone like him. I've tolerated his attitude long enough, and I'm done!" He demanded. I wasn't that jealous of him. I just hated the way he turned out. I missed the old him. He was so much cuter! It was like the person he was before was dead or something. He was an imposter in his own body.

Germany looked at both of us concerned but didn't want to push it further. It was apparent that we would not settle the matter today. Now, I was starting to feel like an asshole. I had avoided him for the past two years or so, and this was the first time we had actually faced each other.

Last year at the world meeting, I sat beside Mr. Japan, so we didn't talk much. Now, the first time we do and a brawl happens. Mostly my fault for saying that snarky remark. "Listen, I don't know what's going on between the two of you, and honestly, I don't want to know. What I do care about is how it affects others around us. Be more considerate and leave any problems at home. We come here to improve the world, not make it worse for the people in our homes. So, make up now, or don't...but you both need to stop..."

Germany stood up, gathering his things. Arthur and I had stayed silent. I didn't know what to say because Germany was right. I was being more ridiculous, but Arthur didn't try to improve the situation; he added fuel to the fire.

He left us in the room alone, and we still didn't say anything. I couldn't help the way I felt. I had no feelings for him anymore, which upset me. I think I was upset that I didn't feel that way for him anymore. I had lived my entire life fighting beside or with him; I spent some of it loving him.

We had kissed in the past and even had sex one time. However, it was in the past, and that upset me. What we had was sweet, but it wasn't like that anymore, making me sad. It made me so sad that my heart hurt thinking about it.

It was too late to try and mend the past and be better. There was only one path to take, and that was forward. I needed to learn to deal with my feelings and get over myself. I needed to stop trying to hurt him because I was angry with myself. In truth, all of it was ruined because of me. Not him; he only wanted to be alone, but I constantly bothered him.

"Does your nose hurt?" I asked softly.

I turned my head to look at him, and he could only make a sad expression. Arthur tilted his head at me, trying to smile. "A little...but I'll be fine...no thanks to you," he smiled a bit. I wanted to cry as I looked at his smile. It wasn't condescending or rude...he had a genuinely sweet smile.

"Look...I haven't been honest with you..." I started. If I say what I'm going to say now...I will, in a way, confess to him. Was I ready to say something like this? "What is it?" He asked. I paused as he asked me what I wanted to say. However, I was at a loss for words.

No...

I needed to...

It wasn't like I felt that way anymore...

"The truth is...I..." I closed my eyes a bit as I felt my face heating up. Why was this harder than I thought? Maybe I should shorten it...minimize how I used to feel.

"Well...this is going to sound crazy...but...I miss how you used to be. I know times change, and we all change, but I think it saddens me. I felt like our connection was lost, and I still feel that way. I hardly know you now...you are different from when we last talked. Partly, My fault for proposing to you so cruelly, but I'm sorry. I'm sorry I did that...and now...I think I'm ready to leave you alone. I only missed the old you..."

"Then why don't you want to get to know me now? I could be better than the old me..." He looked at me with this hopeful expression, but I could only shake my head.

"Because... I'm scared I won't like the new you..."

He looked sad at what I said, and he didn't respond. "Well..." he laughed. He wouldn't look at me. Arthur turned away from me, and I still tried to look at his face. "What? Say something..." I begged. This felt harder than I realized.

"Nothing...it's just...well...that actually hurt more than all of the insults you have told me combined," he laughed. He still looked away from me, and I grew worried. "I didn't mean for it to come out that way...but—"

"But it's true...no...I get it..."

Arthur finally looked at me, and his eyes were red. He looked like he was trying not to cry, making me feel worse. "You are saying I'm not worth getting to know anymore. I didn't fit your ideals? How you want me to be? That's fine! I'm glad you were honest...it just..." he began laughing, and I looked at him nervously.

"Well...I suppose we are finally growing apart after so many years. Sooner than I hoped, but I admit defeat."

"I'm sorry..."

He took a deep breath, finally standing up. He wiped the dried blood from his face, and I stood up with him. "Well...Mr. France...you know how to reach me if you need help politically. We are still allies, and I will respect that," he spoke. His voice was a bit shaken, and well...I wanted to cry because of it.

It felt as if I had broken his heart or something.

"Okay..."

"Right! Be..." he paused and turned away from me slowly. It felt like I should do something. Say something against what was happening. "Be well... I will see you at the next meeting..."

"Okay..."

I'm such an idiot! Why wasn't I saying anything?

Then...

He left...

And I was all alone.