I don't know why things happen to me. I try not to care, but I do, and it's making me overthink a lot so that no matter how much time passes, I'm going to cry. Part of me thinks I deserve this. I'm just a timid, overthinking teenage girl who wants to have mental peace in herself but can't; she is quite stupid all the time.
She considered everyone, her friends, maybe they're not, how innocent she can be to just a girl, and the way she pretends she's okay but has millions of thoughts crossing her mind when it comes to replying to someone, and then she's past thinking on what she did wrong that makes her feel embarrassed of herself, creating anxiety.
That's her sadness; she's a wreck and crying. Tears and her face have a million regrets over herself that make her doubt her existence in the world; she is enough to be that girl or simply just not it, not because she's not pretty enough or doesn't have that type of body; oh, I'm not that smart but not that dumb enough; let's face it, I'm a chubby girl that feels relieved with her anxiety that just eating can be overeating that solves her issues; probably I'll acquire a joint with a therapist because I don't know if I can take myself.
I'm just exhausted with myself because I haven't slept. I forgot what the concept of sleep is that makes her move to a bittersweet, or better yet, a cold, dry response, where all she wants to do is just lay in bed all day, but can't she even cry when her thoughts, and not her mind, are swerving toward sadness? It's simply hard not to cry. I figure out that I'm not okay. I need help, and the only person who truly cares for me is my mom.
I still don't know why I'm here. Most of the time, the majority is simply aware that there are people here who know their purpose in life, not me; I'm technically sure I'm not smart enough or pretty enough to feel useful. I'm Grace, who has messed up her mental health. I've just damaged my entire body and messed up. If I didn't love myself, I probably wouldn't be here.
I'm in a hole that's hard to find but exists; I'm just absorbing sadness. That's all I want at this moment. I know I'm a privileged girl. I have all the necessary things that I need. I used to enjoy time alone, but currently, every time I'm lonely, it just makes me go deeper into the black hole that's hard to escape.
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LIVING 101
PoetryIs a diary of the circumstances of Grace's life experiencing things and passing terribly in her teenage years' cause of her mental health hope this story relates to the person dealing with anxiety and struggles you're not alone and hope to find an i...
