I Think I Like Him - KuroKen

~Chapter Ten~

When we were both at my place, after getting showers and Kenma dropping his school and practice bags off at his place, we sat in my room with Minecraft on the screen. We were building our village as we talked.

"So, what's been on your mind, Kuro?" He asked.

"I need you to promise me that you aren't going to judge me." I said. I was starting to feel super anxious.

"I'm not going to judge you." He said. I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself down before speaking.

"So...some things were said by some people and it got me thinking...I think I might be gay." I said quietly.

"Oh - this is a more serious topic than I thought it was going to be..." Kenma said quietly. He set his controller down in his lap and turned to me, giving me his full attention now.

"Yeah...um...and I may or may not be stuck trying to figure it out. I think I might be, but I really don't know but there's a person...a guy...that I think I have a crush on." I looked down at the floor. I was starting to get more nervous and shy. I didn't want to make eye contact.It was just making me even more nervous.

"You think you might be?"

"Like, I've never really had a crush on any person before. This guy, I'm always thinking about him, I'd do anything for him, be there for him no matter what time of day or night, I love talking to him and hanging out with him. I love seeing him happy and smiling and it hurts to see him upset over things. I just want the best for him."

"Okay, that definitely sounds like a crush. Why not just ask him out? Or talk to him about it?" Kenma asked. He was still oblivious to the fact that it's him that I'm talking about.

"I have no idea how he feels. I don't know if he likes guys and...I don't want to lose him if things don't work out...he...he's my best friend..." I looked up at Kenma with tears in my eyes. I watched Kenma go from confused to surprised when it finally clicked that it was him. He didn't say anything, just looked surprised.

"I'm sorry...I tried to push these feelings down but...I can't. They're just there. I don't know why I like you like that. I'm sorry, Kenma. I really am." I cried.

"If I'm being honest, I need some time to process it. I've never thought about my sexuality...ever. I've never had a reason to. I'm not mad, or upset, I promise. I just..."

"No, I get it. It's fine." I nodded. I tried to wipe my tears away.

"I'm gonna go...it's getting late anyways..." Kenma said.

"Yeah, go home and get some rest. I'll see you tomorrow." I said. He stood up and left. The moment my bedroom door closed I broke down into tears.

He hates me. He fucking hates me.

I just lost my best friend.

I should've kept my stupid fucking mouth shut. I'm so fucking stupid.

Before I could spiral into something I didn't want to, I pulled out my phone and called Bokuto.

"Hey, what's...woah, what's wrong? Are you okay?" He asked. He heard me crying as soon as he answered.

"I told him. I came out to him."

"It didn't go well, did it?" He sounded upset on the other end of the line.

"No...He said he had to process it and that he's never thought about his sexuality and then he just...he left. We were here playing games, he wanted to talk because I've been so fucking distracted and...Bo...I think I lost him." I broke into sobs.

"I'm so sorry, Kuroo." He said.

"I think he hates me."

"I don't think Kenma could ever hate you. He's not great at expressing his emotions. Give him a day or two, I'm sure things will look up." Bokuto tried to sound encouraging and give me hope but it wasn't working. I had no hope left. I'm like ninety nine percent sure I just lost the person who meant the most to me.

I sat there on the phone with Bokuto for a few hours crying. I didn't want to be alone, my mind was all over the place. I was mad at myself for not coming up with some excuse to tell Kenma instead of straight up splling that I'm probably gay and that I think I have a crush on him in the same fucking conversation.

"Bo, is it bad that I want to hurt myself over this?" I asked. The thought of cutting my wrists open had crossed my mind while I was sitting there on the phone. I hated myself. I should've kept my mouth shut, but I didn't, and I ruined the relationship that I had with Kenma.

"Kuroo, please don't do anything stupid. I promise, it'll blow over."

"I'm so fucking pissed off at myself..." I said through more tears.

"It'll be alright. Just please, don't do something you'll regret. I care about you too much to let you do that to yourself. I swear to god, I will hop on a train tonight and be there if I need to."

"Don't do that, we have school tomorrow. I'll be fine. Just please don't hang up until I'm calmed down more." I asked.

"I'll stay on the call for as long as you need me to. I promise." He said. I ended up falling asleep on the phone with him that night. 

~Word Count~
~929~