Dont Leave Me [Shin Soukoku]

12

Akutagawa's pov:

  It has been a few days since Atsushi was finally released from the hospital,  and is back at his apartment.

Kyoka has been taking care of him,  but she won't talk to me these past few days for some reason.  I've called her several times but it always goes to voicemail. 

 So I haven't gotten any updates about atsushi.   I want to visit but I don't know when he is home thanks to kyouka.

Today I plan to stop by and just check if he is there.   Dazai said that Atsushi wants to return to work soon,  even if he just returned home.

I don't think it is safe for him yet,  because of the upcoming hannya invasion.   
If he does go back to work,  they will definitely use him in the mission.   Hopefully, when I see him today I can talk him into resting a bit longer.  Just until this mission is over.

_______

I arrive in front of Atsushi's door and knock a few times to no avail.  "Maybe he is busy?"     I think to myself as I wait for a few more minutes for a response.  His car is outside so he must be home.

I continue knocking loudly on his door,  not giving up.    After what felt like forever I was ready to give up and leave.   

Until I started to hear footsteps heading toward the door. 
Atsushi opened the door and glared at me in disgust and anger;    a look I have not seen from him in a very long time.

"Atsushi,"   I began,  hesitantly.   "Sorry for coming unannounced,   but I couldn't get ahold of kyouka so I became worried."   I said with an uncomfortable chuckle.  He continued to glare at me without saying anything.   
You could cut the tension with a knife.

I stare at him confused,  waiting for him to brake this intense silence. 

"A-  Atsushi..?."    I eventually stutter,  attempting to break the silence.

He took a deep sigh before he began.  "I asked kyouka to ignore you...  I wish that you didn't come here."   He quietly muttered as he gritted his teeth.

"...What?"  

He clenched his fist.   "YOU HEARD ME DAMN IT"    He snapped.   He looked down at the ground and released his clenched fist.   "I -  I remeber,   Akutagawa..."    He quietly uttered.
I was too stunned by this to say anything.  I stared blankly at him as I saw tears start to drip from his face.

"I.. don't get it Akutagawa..."   He wept between his cries.

"WHY DID YOU HAVE TO TOY WITH ME?!"   He roared as he looked back up at me in anger.  He tightly grabbed the collar of my shirt and yanked me forwards.   Tears streamed from his eyes,  and his face was flushed from crying. 

It took me a moment,  but I snapped out of whatever trance I was in and realized what was going on.

"What  do you mean..?"  I ask,  looking down into his eyes.   This seemed to anger him.  He released my collar from his grip as he stepped back and suddenly slapped me.  "DAMN YOU"  He whaled as he weakly punched my chest.

"After everything you did to me.,  and my friends."
"You promised to kill me!"

"YOU'RE A MURDER AKUTAGAWA"  He whaled as he continued to punch my chest.     "After everything...  why did you take care of me?  Why did you act like you like me;    like we were friends!? "

"I ACTUALLY BELIEVED YOU!  THAT WE MUST HAVE BEEN CLOSE BEFORE I LOST MY MEMORIES!"  
He paused for a moment to catch his breath from yelling and crying.
"Why...."  He mumbled.

I had no clue what I should do.  I want to comfort him but... I don't even know.
I decide to go with my instinct.   I pull him closer into a hug.  I wrap my arms around him and rest my hand on his head.

"Atsushi...  I am so sorry that I hurt you.    Before,  when I acted so cruel,   it was before I realized how I felt.   At first,  I was just so jealous of you.  It seemed that you had it so easily in life. I know now that isn't the truth.  I thought you were just some weakling that didn't deserve dazai's mentoring.  But when I fought with you against the guild...  I realized how strong you are.  You are so amazing.  And training with you was so,  fun."

"And when I saw you being attacked by the hannya group,   I realized that if I lost you....."

He pulled his head away from my chest and looked up at me.   His tears had stopped and he appeared much calmer now.  "Wha-  what?"  He stuttered,  staring up at me with his beautiful lilac and golden eyes.

"The truth is Atsushi..."
"I believe I may have developed some type of feelings for you."   I confessed,   staring down at him seriously.   "I don't yet know if this is truly how I feel,  but  when I lost you.
 And we didn't know if you were ever going to wake up in the hospital."   I could feel warm tears begin to drip down my face. 

  "After I couldn't save you from the attack that day,  I knew it was my fault.    You were the only other person in my life who treated me so kindly.  I loved training with you,  and visiting you in the hospital.   I am so sorry,    For everything that I have done to you.  I realize that you probably don't want to forgive me,   but I am so, so sorry."

His eyes grew as he stared at me shocked.  before he pulled away from me  and looked down to the ground,  his bangs covered his face.   "What the hell Akutagawa.."  He mumbled.   "Don't you realize that I hate you right now?"

"I am very sorry,"  I said,  beginning to feel the embarrassment of what I had just admitted.   We both stood there for what seemed like forever until;  Without looking up at me he turn his back to me and began to go back inside his apartment. 

Once he reached the doorway he glimpsed over his shoulder to look at me.  "I don't know how to respond to that... I don't know if I forgive you yet.  But I have decided,   I don't hate you,  Akutagawa."   He paused for a moment.  "Now could you please leave"  He mubled as he turned to close the door.    I nodded and with that,  he took a few steps inside and closed the door.

After he closed the door I began to head back to my car.  I got in and let out a sigh.  "Damn it.  Why did I say all that while he was crying. Crying about things that ive done no less.

   I am such an idiot."    I thought to myself as I drove back home.   
"I allready knew that this was coming,  but it still hurts."

_____________________________

(Word count:   1152 )