Him & I

32

Hi, I'm Pamela Williams, welcome to Eastwood Elementary.... Do you want to try my glitter?

You're the girl from next door, aren't you?

We're going to be so close.

Of course, you are, Melissa. You're pretty everyday.

Don't let her get to you, she's nice on good days.

Amy. Stop.

Pinky hug? ... It's a thing, I promise.

I think the missing teeth make you beautiful.

If you want to ride the rollercoasters with her, you can. But we're not friends anymore if you do.

This one's for just the two of us.

God, I'm so tired of this. I knew things would be different but—

Can you forgive me?

You look so cute in that jersey.

What's this?

Hi, I'm Pamela Williams, welcome to Eastwood Elementary.

Do you want to try my glitter?

Sigh.

Victoria was meant to leave almost immediately Pamela did. Because just as my friend opened the door, there was Toby- who should've been asleep, waiting to tell Victoria the driver had arrived.

When she asked if he could wait, I couldn't understand why. I thought the first thing she'd want to do was get out of the room were tension stood still like a wall. With how unemotional she can be save for the time I brought up Nathan, I expected her to race out of my house first chance she got.

But she didn't. She didn't even walk out. You know, in that casual way that attempts to hide how urgent you are to leave an emotional crisis.

She didn't let go of my hand either. There wasn't a word exchanged between us and... and there wasn't any need for words honestly. Her presence alone was enough.

It's morning that brought everything back. Explaining why I 'looked like shit' — quoted words by Danielle-Soledad, made it even worse. My sister kept spilling curse words in Spanish when I told her why and I had to beg for her not to go over to my bestfriend's house, fighting for a petty cause.

Well, ex- best friend.

I got blocked by her.

She must've assumed I'd want to call, which I did, when I found out I'd already been blocked. I didn't even get a chance to call repeatedly, at least leave a mark. I'd been blocked before trying. Should've expected it, anyway, Pamela had always been impulsive like that. One time when we were eight and had a little fight in her garden, she raced up the stairs, ripped to pieces our little friendship book before I could apologize.

I still apologized, had to, but the book couldn't be put back together. We tried creating another. If you guessed it didn't work out, you're right. It didn't. I think guilt on her part and a little repressed animosity from me didn't let us get past page two with it.

On the group chat where Amy and the other girls are, I got blocked there too. The final text I saw was from Pamela saying its true. The typical way she'd text without putting an apostrophe before the s. Although, that wasn't my biggest concern when I read it.

Steph said, I'm so sorry.

Then I got blocked.

I tilt my head up to the ashy sky. While the weather forecast would say it's not a good day to be out, I think it is. The dark cloudy sky, chill air, quiet trees and still, large body of water in front of me is the best atmosphere to be in right now. It goes with how I feel. All of it. Cold, dark, quiet. I don't know, sad?