Colton's Miracle ✔️

33. Stronger

"Travis, I believe it was." She says. "She never mentioned a last name."

"Were they dating?" I ask, my eyes moving to Colton who has a look of concentration across his features. Once again, his presence calms me and reminds me that I'm good, okay, and strong.

"I'm not sure. They were best friends, that much I know for certain. She told me she liked him but was afraid to confess more. She was overjoyed that he asked her to prom a few weeks before..."

"Yeah." I swallow the lump in my throat. "Okay. Thank you. I'm sorry I bothered you and reminded you of all this. I hope you're doing well, Mama. Goodbye."

"Lily, wait." She rushes the words out.

Gasping, I feel my tears filling my eyes in an instant. 

She hasn't called me that in six years.

"Yes?" I breathe out, unable to stop my heart from racing.

"I'm sorry." Her voice quivers and I only frown, unable to comprehend her words, unable to believe them.

"After you left," she sniffles quietly, "I decided to go back to therapy. To learn how to deal with everything. I wanted to learn how to let go of my anger, my pain."

I sigh, my lips pursing together in order to stop my chin from trembling.

I can't remember the number of times I begged her to do just that. To go back to therapy after she stopped just a couple of months after that night. To learn how to let go of the past and move forward. To learn how to deal with her anger and pain and loss. 

She called me a monster every single time.

"Have you?" Is all I ask.

"Not completely, but it made me realize that you..." She trails off for a moment. "You lost them too. You lost me too."

My eyes free the water in them, and Colton hugs me in an instant, pulling me to sit on his lap with my back against his chest, his arms wrapping around me like a protective shield.

"And you were just a kid." With another sniffle, Mama goes on. "You were just a kid who has gone through so much and needed her mother more than anything, and I wasn't there. I was probably just as bad as he was."

I silently shake my head, refusing to believe her words, because for the first time since that night she admits it. She has finally stopped denying it.

I can hear her tears through the phone, genuine and unconstrained, as she speaks. "I'm sorry for everything I have said and done, Lillian."

I take a deep breath, and I realize that I don't have much to offer her anymore. So I keep my voice quiet, soft. "And I'm sorry that I have no words to help you with your guilt, Mama. I truly don't."

And maybe that makes me a bad person, a bitter person, but I honestly, truly don't. I'm glad that she has finally made peace with the truth, and I wish that life will be easier for her now, but it no longer matters to me what she believes. It's too little, too late, because I have already learned how to live without her support or her apologies.

"I understand." Her voice breaks, but she quickly clears her throat. "I have sold the house. I couldn't live there anymore."

"Okay." I swallow another lump.

"I also wanted to thank you." Her voice is clipped back, as if she's trying hard not to sob, and I feel my heart battle with itself inside of me. A part of me feels bad for her, sad for her pain, while another part of me can never forgive her for what she has done.

"Thank me?"

"Yes." She says. "Thank you, for never saying it to my face. I get it now. He killed her. And he tried to kill you too. And you didn't let him. I hated you for it, and I'm so sorry."