Tsuki Uchiha and Kakashi Hatake are childhood sweethearts and best friends. As life grows harder and more of Kakashi's loved ones are ripped from him, he finds himself pushing Tsuki away until they're strangers again.
Tsuki Uchiha battles with the...
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I use the heel of my palms to add pressure to my eyes and sit upright. Please, I silently beg. Let this nightmare be over. My hands drop to my sides, and I slowly blink my eyes open. I see grass, not sand. The temperature around me feels normal again, slightly cooler than before I fell. The back of my head throbs with a dull, aching pain. If I breathe too deep, my ribs hurt too.
I look around and see Kakashi sleeping in a sitting position with his back against a tree. He looks so cute as his head dips with every breath. His head bobs deeper than before. He wakes himself and immediately looks at me with wide eyes.
"Tsuki! Thank god you're okay," he breathes a sigh of relief. He scrambles over to me and gently pushes my shoulders back down. "You need to rest," he said while adjusting the small pile of clothes acting as a pillow. "You hit your head really hard." I wince when my head reaches the makeshift pillow. A worried look flashes across the visible part of his face.
I haven't seen Kakashi so gentle or emotional in so long. I almost feel like I'm in a different dream, but I actually like this one. I gently raise my hand and hook a finger on the corner of his mask. "I've always loved your face without this," I smile while pulling it down. Sadness covers his handsome features, revealing his true feelings. "What's wrong?" I ask him. My hand gently falls to my side as my eyes flicker all over his face, soaking in as much as I can.
"I should've been faster," he explains as tears fill his eyes. "I was so worried you wouldn't wake up, Tsuki. I could hear your head hit the ground. I thought I'd lost you." His hand gently traces my cheek. My eyes widen in surprise. I've never heard Kakashi talk about his feelings like this. I don't respond, hoping my silence encourages him to continue.
"Tsuki," he takes a deep breath in. "You're all I have left in this world."
My breath catches in my throat and my heart beats faster with every second. I really must've hit my head hard because this cannot be real. I have to be dreaming still. My eyes snap back to his face as he continues talking.
"After my father passed, I was angry. I felt like I had the world on my shoulders, and you, still having both parents, could never possibly understand what I was going through. So, I pushed you away," Kakashi inhales deeply. I can see his body begin to shake. I grab his hand in my own, gently squeezing to offer comfort.
He smiles briefly before continuing, "After the years passed, I couldn't stop thinking about you. You were always on my mind, but I was scared I pushed you too far. You found new friends, so what did you need me for, right?
"I could always hear other people talking about you. Your looks, your body, there were so many vulgar things being said about you. It made me so jealous that other people even looked at you the way I did. That's why I fought that guy, Inei, so long ago. He kept talking about his fantasies of you, and I snapped.
"After you stopped me and brought me to our spot in the forest, I thought I finally had a chance to tell you my feelings and get you back. Anyways," Kakashi chuckles lightly. "I'm getting off track."
I smile gently, "It's okay. Take all the time you need."
A deep exhale leaves his lips. I can tell he's gathering his thoughts and more courage to continue. Honestly, I still can't tell if this is a dream or reality. It's just my luck, of course, that he's telling me all this when I'm leaving the village.
"After losing Obito and Rin, I was so scared I was going to lose you, too," Kakashi looks at me with tear-filled eyes. "I thought the closer people are to me, the more likely they were going to die because of me. That's why I was so cruel to you on your birthday, Tsuki."
Finally, a sob wracks his body as the sobs flow freely from him, "I'm so sorry! I never wanted to hurt you, Tsuki." I use my other free hand to wipe the tears from his cheeks. This is the Kakashi I know. My sweet and sensitive Kashi is back. The man in front of me finally looks like my best friend from childhood.
Kakashi presses his face into my hand, reveling in the soft comfort I'm able to offer. As the minutes pass, I feel his walls finally coming down. He wraps his hand around mine and pulls it to his lips, gently kissing my palm.
"I love you, Tsuki," he says softly, searching my face for any emotion as the words flutter by my ears. "I've been in love with you since the day I met you. When I first saw you, you created this longing in my soul. You gave me a sense of belonging to a place I never knew existed. You became everything to me at such a young age. I didn't understand it at all.
"It was only after I grew up and matured a little that I realized I love you. It was never just a friendship to me. My heart instantly recognized its old lover from several lifetimes when I met you, Tsuki Uchiha. There is no one else for me. I begin and end with you," Kakashi takes in a deep, shaky breath.
By now, my mouth and eyes are wide in a mixture of emotions. I have no idea what to say or how to respond. I truly feel like I'm trapped in another dream. Kakashi feels this way about me? My silence must be giving him anxiety because his eyes desperately search my face for an answer. "Please say something," he pleads with me.
I use my elbows to bring myself to a sitting position. I watch his face carefully, my eyes darting all over searching for any reaction. His eyes flicker to my lips, then back to my gaze. I easily free my hand from his lingering grasp, the sensation of his kiss still gently burning in my palm. I place my hand on his cheek, drawing him close to me. I allow my eyes to softly close as I finally kiss Kakashi.
I have dreamt about this moment for so long. His lips are full and soft, the perfect match for mine. Kakashi uses one hand to gingerly wrap around my back and the other at the base of my head, drawing me deeper into the kiss. Our pace is soft with no sense of rushing or urgency. I take my time to feel his lips on mine and take in his scent. After a few lingering moments, I'm the first to pull away.
"I love you, Kakashi," I exhale gently. "I always have."
He smiles wide and kisses me again. My heart feels so full yet unbearably dejected. I've waited for this moment for so long and, now that it's finally here, I have to leave him, my village, and my whole life. When Kakashi pulls away, he notices the sadness in my eyes. "I'm sorry for my timing," he offers a small smile and a sad chuckle.
"No, it's okay," I respond. Tears prick at my eyes again, "It's great to finally tell you how I feel and know you feel the same, but it's going to make goodbye even harder."
"Tsuki," Kakashi says, grabbing both my hands in his. "I want you to tell me to wait for you."
"What?"
"Ask me, please," he pleads while looking in my eyes. "I know I don't want anyone or anything else. I don't care how long you're away. I'll become a shinobi for the Hidden Cloud Village. I'll even become a deserter of the village if that's what it takes. I want to be with you and only you."
"I'm yours, Tsuki. All of me is yours," Kakashi says. "So, please, tell me. Tell me you want to me to wait for you, tell me you're being selfish. Tell me anything you want, as long as you tell me you want me."
