Power & Control

41: West Coast

~A

Nothing can piss your best friend off more than her finding out about an important update on your life through the tabloids.

Florence was absolutely livid with me, and rightfully so. I'll be the first to admit I'm not great at sharing things with others and opening myself up. Though I talked with her on an almost daily basis during tour, I had avoided to mention anything that concerned Niall. Yes, she knew about the publicity stunt that were our dates, but that was about it. I had kept everything that had happened between me and Niall even before the tour to myself, partly embarrassed to had caved when there was a time I couldn't stop rambling about how infuriating he was. To do a one-eighty and admit to regularly sleeping with him was something I avoided at all costs.

"This is unacceptable!" She declared, stabbing an asparagus with her fork before biting the head off. I'd hate to be a man in her presence when she was that angry. Halle covered her mouth with her hand, holding back a laugh.

"Flo, you're being dramatic. I'm sure Lex had her reasons for keeping all this from us." Chloe shrugged, calmly twisting her fork into her pasta before taking that bite she created. She was the only one completely calm over this, which was honestly a relief. Even if Halle was more preoccupied with her amusement over Flo's reaction, I knew she was just as annoyed to had found out about all this just now.

"Let's hear them then." Flo challenged, setting her fork down as she sat there expectedly. I glanced around the square table to all of them, starting to think that maybe this outing wasn't the brightest idea. But it was my first free evening in London, and I hadn't seen them in months. They had practically begged me to meet up tonight.

I sighed in defeat, pushing a small piece of overcooked chicken around my plate as I contemplated how much to tell them, where to start, what to mention briefly and what to leave out completely. I knew that giving them an explanation was inescapable, no matter how much I'd rather keep everything to myself. As a form of preparation, I breathed in deeply before daring to speak.

"I was embarrassed. I've been complaining about him for so long, I knew that sleeping with him was hypocritical when all I did for months was saying how I couldn't stand him." All three of them stared at me in silence, pausing for a beat before Flo scoffed.

"Not a good enough reason." She shook her head before taking a sip of her wine, disdainfully looking down at me from across the table. I clenched my jaw, dropping my fork in my plate before I rubbed my sweaty palm onto the rough fabric of my jeans.

"We agreed to keep it a secret, because we didn't want it interfering with our job and the rest of the band. I didn't want risking anyone finding out." I tried to reason, catching myself twisting the ring around my pointer finger. I forced myself to stop once I realised, interlacing my hands instead.

"Oh, please! We barely even know the people from your band!" Flo rolled her eyes, arms crossed over her chest.

"Lex, you know we wouldn't have told anyone if you didn't want us to." Halle softly smiled, placing her warm hand onto my exposed arm. I swallowed hard, realising that doubting their loyalty and trust after four years of friendship was a shitty move from me.

"I know you wouldn't. I guess I just..." Three pairs of curious eyes were pinned on me, expecting another excuse to get out of this. I had none left.

"It started long ago, and it was only supposed to be one night. But we were together every day, working on music and touring. It just escalated and got out of my control. The public appearances were all staged, but we were also meeting in secret." I decided it was a good idea to give them a brief rundown of what had happened before trying to explain myself, hoping they'd understand why I kept this from them. With a deep breath before lifting my gaze to face all three of them, I lowered my voice and kept going.