Power & Control

39: Written All Over Your Face

~A

There was no surprise my bed remained empty all through the night, cold and uncomfortably spacious. I knew what I'd face when I woke up at some point in the middle of the night, though I couldn't lie about the fact that I felt disappointed to find a gap by my side. Surrounded by the scent of him stuck to the pillow, I made a desperate attempt at going back to sleep. It didn't work, because soon enough I found myself constantly waking up every what felt like ten minutes until the first rays of sun began peeking into the room, leading me to give up on sleep and scroll through my phone instead in an effort to distract myself.

Being in this room by myself felt odd, because Niall's things were scattered all over the place as proof that he was here a few hours earlier. His journal was on the nightstand along with a severely beaten up copy of Bleak House he was halfway through reading. A shirt he was planning on wearing last night before he switched to the one he actually wore was hanging on the door handle to the bathroom. His forest green suitcase was pushed under the window, his clothes neatly folded inside. The hair wax he used to style his hair on the daily was onto the vanity, right next to my makeup bag along with his red metal lighter embossed with his initials. No matter where I turned, there were hints of his existence, reminding me of his absence.

That was the reason why I didn't wanna share a room with him, because all I could think about now was how I wished he was here. But simultaneously, I wasn't ready to face him. I wasn't ready to have the impending conversation. His past was a mystery to everyone that knew him now. The hint of it I faced yesterday was definitely not a good omen, and I wasn't sure I was mentally prepared to find out more. But knowing I was clueless and unaware to so many things wasn't ideal either. I was at a dead end, completely unsure over what my next move should be. Do I press for more? Or is it better if I just forget about it completely? Would he even be willing to tell me if I asked? And if he refused, could I keep trusting him?

Thinking about all of those things continuously ended in me having a pounding headache. So I chose to make a last effort at getting some sleep,which proved pointless, before I gave up completely and forced myself out of bed, deciding it was time for me to face my responsibilities for the day. Today's itinerary included a handful of short interviews before our last show here, which was honestly not ideal. I'd much rather do nothing all day. It was too late for me to go down for breakfast, so I just skipped the meal altogether and settled on having something later. Louis called to make sure I was up and let me know Gina and Maddie would be in my room in thirty minutes, so I unenthusiastically got ready.

I got up and went to the bathroom, first order of business being brushing my teeth. I tried pretending the second toothbrush didn't exist, not even sparing it a glance. I brushed and untangled my hair the best I could to make it easier for Maddie and washed my face thoroughly in the hopes I'd feel better. I didn't bother changing out of my pajamas yet.

Unexpectedly, my eye caught the clear bottle of his cologne sitting next mine onto the little glass shelf of the mirror. Stupidly, I picked the hefty bottle up and pulled the top off. I brought the sprayer up to my nose and inhaled deeply, getting an overwhelming amount of the familiar musky aroma that would always linger on his clothes, though the undertone of his natural scent was missing. I stared at myself in the mirror, slowly realising how ridiculous I was for standing in the middle of the bathroom, smelling his cologne. With a low huff, I closed it and took it along with me as I left the room, gathering all his stuff cluttering the bedroom to rid it of any proof that he had been staying here. I got his shirt, his journal and book, his phone charger, his hair wax, anything of his I could find out in the open and tossed them into his suitcase before zipping it shut. I hoped that the girls wouldn't even notice I had a piece of luggage that wasn't mine in my room. Once that was taken care of, I took the rest of the time I had to gather my own things, seeing as we were set to board the tour bus right after the show.