The silence that has fallen between them was heavy but expected, even after their short chat. There was something unspeakable, something unnerving. But, at the same time, Hermione never felt so good in his presence: as every part of their complicated relationship finally found it's place. She wasn't tense anymore, she wasn't afraid. And he didn't look like he would squeeze the life out of her if she as much as opened her mouth.
As they walked out of her apartment and took a long, dark road towards the place which she often used for teleportation, Snape suddenly stopped and gave her a strange, uncomfortable look.
"I don't plan to get romantically involved with anyone, Granger. Not anymore. Not after everything I did." He said coldly.
She also stopped, and, for a moment, considered his words in silence.
"It's fine with me" She said, nodding softly. "You regard yourself unworthy to love and to be loved, don't you?"
It was his time to nod, so he answered hesitantly but surely.
"So, I guess, there are two of us." She gave him a bitter smile, as she walked past him, heading to the point of their destination.
"And don't be afraid, professor" she looked at him over her shoulder. "I don't expect us to get... romantically involved, anyway. And I won't wander around the castle, gossiping about your flat chest, pink scars and long fingers."
He almost grinned.
"I have just one silly request."
"Go ahead" from his expression she could tell, Snape wasn't in the slightest sure what he should expect from her.
"It's just that calling you professor, sir or master doesn't fit anymore, do it?"
"I don't see how..."
"But I see. It feels weird for me, now that we..." she raised an eyebrow to give him a hint of the forbidden topic.
He didn't say anything.
"So?"
"What, Granger?"
"May I call you by your name or are you into this... perverted stuff..."
"Perverted stuff?"
"The titles which sound silly between people who..."
"I remind you that we are not lovers."
"Of course not. But we were. Kind of. For a half an hour maybe?"
"You are silly."
"Sentimental and pathetic? Maybe I am."
She felt he was watching her closely.
"My question still stands." She heard him mutter.
"Ask what you have to ask, Severus." She said.
"I have done it already so many times, Granger, that I would feel humiliated by repeating myself again."
She nodded.
"You want to know what exactly brought me here, don't you?"
"Yes."
"And you want to know it because...?"
"Because I want to know."
"Minerva asked you, am I right?"
He agreed.
"I suspected as much."
"And what else did you suspect?"
"Nothing... Otherwise I was just paranoic, fracked out by your behaviour and..."
"You are afraid of the justice?"
"I bloody am, Severus" he heard her tremble.
"Your secrets will be safe."
"Will they?"
"Yes."
She looked at him closely.
"Am I supposed to trust you on a whim?"
"It would be very convenient for me, Granger, but no. I'm not an ignorant and you are not an idiot."
"Thank you for the kind compliment."
"Granger..."
"Fine. So what will you do to reassure me..."
"I'll do the same to you. I will tell you my darkest secret. One that nobody else knows."
She gave him a surprised look.
"Even Dumbledore?"
"Even Albus" He nodded.
"Damn..." She muttered.
"I'll take it as a yes."
"You certainly can..."
They looked at each other. There was something new, something strange but very calming in the way he talked to her, in the way his voice vibrated in her head.
For a very short moment Hermione wondered if it was sex which did the job, but finally decided that it was something else, something deeper. Sex was only a misunderstanding of needs and feelings. Or maybe it wasn't even an error, just a natural part of their story... It opened her eyes, for sure, but it wasn't the intercourse itself that made them so intimate, so close to each other... hey wee already close before it happened. They were close when she arrived in the castle month ago. Actually, they were to close to tolerate each other, for they never expected to feel that way towards one another.
They were two lost soul, deeply wounded, mortally broken. They were the same.
She sighed, finally knowing for sure, that what he was telling her was not to deceive her. He was not going to turn her in. he was going to help her. Somehow.
"And you won't spill the tea to Minerva?"
"Not if you don't want me to."
She smiled palely.
"I'll have to think about it."
She stopped.
"That's the place."
"We circled around it for past few minutes, Granger." He looked both displeased and amused.
"It was a good talk, Severus" She touched his arm and smiled. "For me, the best talk in ages. I didn't want to spoil it."
He didn't say anything, but the look he gave her, she knew he felt the same.
"Will you tell me your story when me come back?"
"I will show you."
"May I..."
"No. I want to hear it from you, Granger. Then, maybe, I will allow you to use my Pensieve. If I'll need more details."
YOU ARE READING
Deep Bruises of War (Finnished)
Fanfiction"The war is cruel, they say. War needs sacrifices. Fair enough, she thought." Declaimer: I do not own anything from the books and movies about Harry Potter.
