Deep Bruises of War (Finnished)

XVII The guardian of secrets

They ate dinner in silence while the clouds over their heads darkened, foreshadowing the upcoming storm.

He was furious and surely everybody around him sensed no less. So even Minerva wasn't eager to talk. She gawked in silence at her plate full of lettuce salad, not really eating.

Snape, on the other hand, stung, jabbed and stabbed innocent chicken leg on his plate with his fork, vicious and vengeful grimace never leaving his pale, narrow lips.

"Is there any possibility you might know the whereabouts of miss Granger?" Eventually Minerva managed to ask a very careful question.

Snape gave a snort as an answer, continuing to mistreat the fine piece of meat.

"Severus, please. I'm so worried. And, from the way you behave, I must admit, I'm pretty sure, you know something. Anything."

It was no sooner than the first heavy raindrops hit the ground when Snape cursed, forcefully put down the cutlery and rose from his sit.

"Severus? What happened?" Minerva's voice was full of dread and fear.

"Easy, woman" Snape hissed into her mind. "It's not the type of a chitchat you would want us to have in front of everyone gathered here, believe me."

"I believe you." The Headmistress said calmer, forcing a nervous smile on her lips.

"Fine." He murmured Finally. "Come with me, then. We have a lot to talk about."

*

His quarters felt to her as dump, cold and dark as always. And, as always, the same question started to bother her the very moment she entered the low-ceiled rooms: What was he still punishing himself for?"

He could get any sunny, dry apartments on the second or third floor he wanted, he knew about it. And yet, although she would have asked him every year for past decade, he refused.

Damned man.

"What is it, Severus, you wanted to talk about, that required so much discretion?"

"You really wanted to discuss private matters of your precious prodigy in front of the whole staff?"

"We are all friends here, if you forgot, Severus" She snapped, even though she knew he was right. "It's a simple meal, not another Death Eaters' meeting you had to attend."

"I'm very aware of that" he said in a low, calm voice. Dark and cold.

"So what do you know, Severus? Stop the game, just tell me where she is, if she is safe..."

"I'll be damn if I knew" he drawled.

"So what happened?" She sounded harsh now, which was her way to hide the deepest concern.

"I won't tell you exactly what happened to her, Minerva. Or what she did. But there is something that torments her. Now I know that you weren't aware of t and forgive me for accusing you."

Too shocked by his apologetic speech to say a word at first, McGonagall only nodded. She gulped, sat down, took a deep, long breath. Only then she spoke again"

"Why on earth wouldn't you tell me, Severus? I'm her friend, not enemy."

"Because it's private, dammit!" He raised his voice immediately. "I have no right to tell you. As well as I don't have the right to know and you didn't have the right to ask me to stalk her! But you felt the freedom to do so, didn't you?"

Minerva froze, miffed.

"How dare you..."

"I dare, Minerva, because I saw her. I really saw her and I doubt that anyone, accept me, would understand. And that's yet another reason not to tell you a damn thing! You wouldn't understand. Neither of you, nosy bastards!"

"Severus, mind your language..."

"Oh, for the fuck's sake, Minerva, Enough of this hypocritical bullshit. I don't want to and won't mind my language. Not after everything I lived through!"

"So why have you taken me there?"

"Because I know that you care about her."

Minerva exhaled and looked at him, standing as a pillar of salt.

"Then, tell me what you can."

He nodded.

"I pushed her and pushed for the past weeks, Minerva. I cannot say it wasn't pleasant, in a way, to see how she tries to deny everything, then come to me to talk, seeming to want pity and understanding, but never really wanting either. How she fights with everyone and everything, including herself. But never in the right way."

"What have you done, Snape?"

He smiled sarcastically.

"You are not suspecting me of murdering of hurting her. Physically. Or are you?"

When Minerva looked away he laughed coldly.

"I don't know anymore, Severus" She muttered, already ashamed.

"I don't blame you, people." Strange grin appeared on his face. "No longer. It's even amusing sometimes. How you relied on me, how you could make me responsible for so many deeds, how you all counted on me, wanted me to save you... And now you do not know anymore" he mimicked her.

Minerva had to admit, that he didn't look in any way amused.

"You tell me that you bullied her... "she began shockingly."

"And what did you expect me to do?" He threw up his hands.

"I don't know" Minerva muttered, suddenly broken.

"What is it?!"

"I don't know, Severus. I don't know what I expected. I probably wanted to help her, I wanted to learn what happened to her. I think... I never really thoroughly reflected on the methods you were going to use. I knew. Probably I expected nothing less... But I was afraid to notice."

"Then you are not better than Dumbledore, Minerva, not at all."

"I don't know what you mean..." Tears went down old woman's cheeks.

"Oh, you bloody well know. "He growled as he turned his back to her, looking at the stone wall.

"So... What happened?"

Minerva saw his touch the bridge of his nose.

"Severus...?"

"She ran away." He said angrily. "As soon as she realised that I found out what happened to her and won't stop asking about the details, she took off. In haste. I was deluding myself that she will come back for dinner, but, as you see, she didn't show up."

"Why have you been..."

"Pushing her? Because, if I am to help her, I have to know exactly what the problem I'm dealing with. The very essence of it. With no exceptions. This is not a road of mercy, Minerva. Not with my methods. And, considering what she had gone through, not for miss Granger."

"So why do you talk to me, Severus? I'm as helpless as you are. I do not know what might have happened to her when he left the castle..."

"But you were the one holding the correspondence with her." He grinned." So you have to know her address."