BILLIE'S NIGHTMARE

I Told You I Would Let You Know-So Here It Goes: Goodbye

A while ago, I had an English Literature essay that I had to do and decided to make Billie's monologue to Carlos (title of the essay above). I thought I'd share it with y'all since it relates so much to the book. (I got a 41/50!) lmk what y'all think of it ;*

I was 8 years old when I allowed myself to stumble into your life. In my defense, I hadn't a clue what I was doing. It was my heart that guided me more than anything else. You were a lentern in a starless midnight, drawing yourself to the center of my attention as if knowing what I longed for.

You introduced me to your family, people that I soon concluded were my reason to carry on breathing. I stored tender memories of them and yourself in the deepest places of my heart, protecting them with my entire being. Protecting you with my entire being. It was as if I knew. Like when I looked at you like an orphan who had found an uncle and you looked at me like an imperfect man seeking a daughterly figure to redeem his inner conflicts, I knew it wouldn't last.

You, Carlos Castilla, a renowned exorcist, took me into your Godly home. You showed me the ins and outs of your righteous work. How, much like you saved me, you saved many others as well. And when your niece was born, we were your light, your angels. You made us both feel like we were royalty and you were our servant. You bent to our will, jumped without asking "how high" and ran before we could even ask.

You told me that your biggest fear was losing us. To marriage, to corruption, to the distasteful blasphemy we call death. And I told you with a face braver than that of an eagle that I would never allow anything to let me stray from you. That if I ever planned to leave, for marriage, for love, for my personal endeavors, you would be the first to know. I would tell you before I even tell it to myself.

That night, I wonder if you knew, too. That night, when you stood before a possessed victim, clutching your cross in front of its hell-induced eyes, heeding its testimony, I achingly wonder if you knew. That it was the end of us. The end of our family. That fateful night, you made a deal with devil's disciple, to either let it take your niece, your blood, your brother's child...or me.

Unlike you, I told you I would let you know—so here it goes: goodbye. Goodbye to the light you were in my life that morphed to darkness. To the fruitful bond we had that evaporated to dust. To the family that you once gave me that you chose over me. And Thank you. For putting me in my place. For reminding me that as I am no-one, I have no-one.