Chapter 13: What If?

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"Number one, check. Number four too," Freen said, giving me a cheeky expression.

"What's number two?" I asked, changing the topic.

Freen couldn't move on to my fourth goal. She continued to give me a cheeky expression every time she read it.

"Learn how to make candles. Why do you want to learn that? Are you planning to start a new business?" she asked, while listing all the things we needed to make candles.

"No, I just wanted to learn because you enjoy making them. I wonder what's so special about candles and why you're so into it," I replied.

Freen rolled her eyes, then smiled when she heard the word "babe."

An hour had passed since we woke up, and Freen was already listing everything we needed to do for the day, including buying different types of wax and making personalized candles.

Freen had already seen my entire bucket list, so she wasn't surprised anymore. Who wouldn't be surprised when a person's bucket list is all about making memories with them? I had already accomplished my goals for my family, so this time, I wanted to mend things with Freen, especially after finding out that she had waited for me all these years.

I wanted to ask her what had happened in her love life during the last five years, as she hadn't mentioned anything about it the last time we talked about our lives. I wanted to know so I could make it up to her.

But the biggest "what if" in my life was, "What if I hadn't left Thailand?" Would I still have cancer? Would Freen have confessed her feelings, and would we have spent years together as lovers? I realized it was my biggest regret.

My mother had advised me not to go with my brother since I was studying here, but I insisted because I wanted to meet new people and forget about my feelings for Freen. At that time, I thought it was just an infatuation. Now, I regret those days. I wished I could turn back time, maybe I could have saved myself and spent more time with my loved ones.

"Earth to Rebecca Patricia," Freen snapped her fingers in front of me, pulling me out of my deep thoughts.

I realized she was already dressed while I was still sitting on the bed, leaning my back against the headboard, wearing the satin robe from the previous night.

"Are you feeling unwell? I can go alone," she said, but I shook my head.

I got off the bed and went to the walk-in closet to find something to wear. Everything was organized, and I couldn't decide on an outfit.

"Are you still half-asleep? Or do you want to wear my clothes now?" she teased.

I looked at her, leaning against the wall with her arms crossed over her chest. Maybe I was lost in thought because I only noticed how handsome she looked in her plain white shirt and black joggers with white lining. She was wearing the same beige '92 cap as before.

"Right, I'll go to my room and change. Can you wait for me?" I asked, and she nodded.

I heard the sound of my slippers on the floor, and I realized I was wearing Freen's slippers.

Freen couldn't stop laughing at my absent-mindedness. I didn't think it was due to my thoughts. I'm sure that a while ago, I was wearing my own slippers.

"I think you should stay here. I'll buy the ingredients," she suggested, pulling me back onto the bed.

As soon as I sat down, she knelt in front of me, took my hands in hers, and gently squeezed them. Then, she cupped my cheeks and pressed her lips against mine. It was a serene moment that made me feel at ease. A moment ago, I had been worried that all my lapses were due to my illness, but now, everything felt perfect.

I wrapped my hands around her neck and lost myself in her soft pink lips. When I felt like I was drowning in her kisses, I pulled away. Even though our foreheads were still touching, she managed to wipe the smear of lipstick from my lips.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't get enough of your lips. I have to go now. See you later," she said, kissing me on the forehead before leaving.

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"All done," I exclaimed after finishing the last gift, a collection of personalized candles. "I can't wait to give these to everyone."

"They will love them since you made them yourself," Freen replied, while cleaning up the mess we made while crafting the candles.

I checked my phone and marked off the second item on my bucket list. Three goals down, and three more to go. Even though Freen was putting in so much effort to fulfill my wishes, I couldn't shake the feeling that we might not be able to accomplish them all before my time runs out.

The third goal on my list was to create a photo album filled with pictures of Freen and me. It should have been a simple task, but considering Freen had work the next day, it might pose a challenge.

"I'm going back home tomorrow," I told Freen as she continued tidying up.

"Why?" she asked, her voice laced with concern.

"I want to see my mom," I replied honestly.

Freen nodded in understanding, still unaware of the true nature of my declining health. I had become quite adept at hiding my shortness of breath and fatigue. It pained me to keep this secret from her, but I didn't want to burden her with the knowledge just yet.

"Then I guess I'll see you next week?" she asked, seeking confirmation.

I nodded, hoping that I would still have the strength to greet her when we met again.

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