The Bargain

Chapter 4

~GWYN~

"You've been awfully quiet all day."

Gwyn looked up at Nesta from her plate of spaghetti, where she had been twirling her fork through the pasta again and again, lost in thought. She had been doing that a lot in the last day: zoning out as her brain sorted through her complicated impressions and opinions regarding Azriel's offer. She felt like she had been perpetually lost in thoughts from the moment Azriel stepped out of the coffee shop.

And so far, she had kept each and every one of those thoughts to herself. Gwyn hadn't sought out Nesta's advice as Azriel predicted she would. In fact, when her best friend had arrived, looking frazzled and full of apologies for being held up, Gwyn barely even said a word to her. She sipped her coffee, nodded along as Nesta talked, and asked just enough questions to keep the conversation going.

"I can tell that something is bothering you," Nesta continued. She reached her hand across the dining hall table toward Gwyn's. "You can talk to me. About anything. You know that right?"

Gwyn nodded. "Of course. You're my best friend, Nes. You know all my secrets; you know where all the bodies are buried."

"Helped you bury some of them too," Nesta added with a wink and a hint of a laugh. Gwyn smiled in return, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. Nesta toyed with a meatball. "Why do I get the sense there is a 'but' coming?"

"Not a 'but.'" Gwyn was quick to reassure her. "This is more of a 'do you think I'm making a mistake' sort of situation."

"Oh, my specialty." Nesta actually rubbed her hands together, like an over eager child. She moved her plate out of the way and leaned in over the table. Dropping her voice to a low, conspiratorial pitch, she asked, "Is this about a boy?"

"Not everything in life is 'about a boy,' Nes." Gwyn fixed her best friend with a stern look, but it did nothing to abate her ridiculously giddy grin. "But this might be tangentially related to a boy."

"I knew there was a 'but.' Did something happen with Tarquin?"

Gwyn looked away from Nesta for a moment. She gave her pasta one final swirl and then abandoned her fork, putting it down with perhaps a little more force than was necessary as she fought off another upswell of emotions. She hadn't talked to him. She had thought about it this morning; worked up the courage again after missing her chance following Wednesday's class. But Azriel had caught her eye first. He hadn't even tried to - he was just sitting there - but her gaze found him as if pulled to him by some invisible force. She'd stopped to considered him and his offer and missed another opportunity to speak with her actual crush. But maybe that was for the best. Tarquin would probably say something nice but meaningless, and forget about her five seconds later. She needed something to say to him, some way to catch – and hold – this attention.

Gwyn took a deep breath. Time to get her thoughts off her chest. "Do you think I'm invisible?"

"What? No. Who told you that?"

"Not like 'invisible' invisible," Gwyn said quickly, hoping that she could explain herself better. "More like, do you think I could do more to be seen? You were just telling me the other day that you thought I needed to get out more. Am I hiding myself?"

Nesta sighed heavily and shot her a sympathetic look. Even before she spoke a word, Gwyn knew what her answer was going to be. It was already written in her sympathetic gaze, the one saved only for Gwyn. Everyone else got the 'I will slay my enemies' look while Gwyn alone saw the soft heart within.

"I am."

"No," Nesta answered automatically, but then she instantly amended it to, "well, yes. But that doesn't make you invisible. It makes you guarded."