"Love Yourself..." TBHK Kou x Reader

Chapter 1/ Introduction

So uh ig this is Love Yourself. It's a Minamoto Kou x Reader which you probably have been informed of by now. 

Things you need to know:

Hamurai is an OC of mine, but like y'all can choose Hamurai's pronouns and gender identity.

The plot probably makes no sense, and the sentence "Love Yourself..." wasn't even added when I first posted this. I'll try to make it make a lot more sense as I continue editing this book. I hope you can somewhat enjoy this, even if it is cringey and makes no sense.

9/10/2023

-The Author

You rush out of the room you were just in. You've caught your boyfriend/girlfriend/partner cheating on you. Tears stream down your face. 

*Flashback*

"Hamurai-san! Do you wanna-" You say as you enter the room. You find Hamurai making out with another student. 

'What the fuck.'

'Am I dreaming..?'

"h-Hamurai..." You mumble. You can already feel the anger and sadness rise in you. 

You want to die.

A picture in your mind evolves, displaying you falling off some building.

Then, a gravestone shows.

It reads;

Yugi Y/N

No flowers, no one there at all.

Your mind wanders with questions, begging for answers. 

'Why am I not good enough?'

'When can I ever measure up?'

"Y/N, it's not what it looks like.." he/she/they trailed. "No, it's my fault. I- I get it. It's fine, I guess. It's my fault for not giving you enough affection, not being pretty enough, not being good enough. I-It's fine." You feel tears falling. You hear the light sound of them collapsing onto the floor.

Drip, drip, drip.

They collide into a puddle.

Sometimes you wish you could just melt away into a puddle too.

  "Oh, so you understand! That's good, and one more thing-" His/Her/Their harsh sentence snaps you back to reality.

You race out not looking back. 

"It's all my fault.

 It always has been, huh."

*Back To Present*

You keep thinking these ugly, horrific, sad thoughts. You think that you've always been a problem to this world. 

A nobody.

 A waste. 

But that's what you've always been, Y/N.                                                                                                                               Why does it make a difference right now?

Sometimes you wish you couldn't feel.

It really is hard being human. It sometimes is hard to keep breathing.

Do you ever think of how easy could be to just die? All you'd have to do is stop breathing, or jump off a building, or simply grab your kitchen knife.

But little things like these always make such a big impact. 

Somehow, there's always someone who colors out of the lines, no matter what. 

Like you for example.

Here in this AU, who do you truly have? Who would your death impact? Who would actually give two shits if you jumped off a cliff?

No one.

And you have to except that every day, you always have to know. You are alone. You are a very, very lonely person.

But there's always been a difference between lonely and alone.

Alone is having no one else present with you, being alone is sometimes a choice.

But lonely?

Being lonely was never a choice. Lonely means you have no company, no one to look up to or to make you feel alive. You could even be lonely in a room full of crowds of people.

And that's the worst lonely.

But it's something you feel everywhere, all the time, every hour and minute.

Especially now, considering being fucking cheated on.

Suck to be you, Y/N.

You keep running, and with each step, more anger and fear, sadness. Loneliness. You hate your life. When you think of times similar to this moment, you think you've always been so dramatic. You feel as if you're not loved, and when you think of times like this, you say you're spoiled, you have all your family.

But then of course you then remember you have no family, cause they all had to fucking die on you, huh.

 You just want to be loved.

All you've ever wanted was for someone to love you so much no matter who you are and what you've done.

You wanted to feel fulfilled. And not even Hamurai could do that for you.

And at that moment, when you start thinking of that, you say your selfish. You think of everything, every small detail, every mistake you've ever made.

You hate yourself for it all. No matter what it is.

You drop onto the floor, bawling, not even a single person stopping to check on you.

No one has ever cared. Even if you've thought and looked after them, no one ever seems to care.

When will this end?

When will comparing yourself, doubting yourself, being depressed ever end?

It's the only question that you know will never get answered.

"Oh my gosh, are you okay?"

You wonder what the fuck those words mean.