A Piece of You

VI

"Each heart has some pain, only the way of expression is different, some hide it in their eyes while some hide it in their smile."

Allie's

I can feel that Spencer is hiding something from me. Something's wrong pero I cannot figure it out and I know Spencer is hiding it because he knows that it won't be good for me.

Pero anong itinatago nya? Because really, the more he hides it, the more curious I get.

It's been a week since he came back, and as the days went by I can see that he is getting a lot sweeter— as if there is no tomorrow.

Sa tuwing hahawakan niya ang kamay ko, it feels like he's saying: "I don't want to let go of your hand again."

Whenever he caresses my hair, it feels like he's saying: "I never wanted it to happen but, what should I do?"

Spencer, what's really happening? Why do I feel this way?

What's worse is that I feel more scared day by day, because I can sense that what he's hiding from me is much worse than what I'm thinking.

That's how Spencer is, he can hurt you more than you think. Kahit hindi ka niya gustong saktan, but, he doesn't have a choice, and I'm willing to get hurt again if it's Spencer.

"Baby, I have a question." I said. straight forward. I'm trying to pull everything together, especially the courage to ask him.

"Yes baby, what is it?" He answered.

"Are you hiding something from me?" I asked in a very serious tone.

Chuckle, was the only answer I got.

"Girls really do have strong senses. My surprise is ruined. Hay Allie, what should I do with you?" He asked while flashing a smile.

"Surprise?" I asked, a bit shocked from what I heard.

"Yeah, I was planning to surprise you. I mean you've finished your exams and you deserve to relax because you did well." He explained.

"Okay baby, you can surprise me. Magpapanggap akong walang alam." I said with a huge grin on my face.

"Baby it's not the same if you know it." He said then pout as if he is a 3 year old kid.

"Spencer, baby, remember that it will be the most beautiful surprise as long as it's from you. Nalaman ko man o hindi yung surprise ahead of time, as long as it's from you, it'll be the most memorable and special." I explained. He looked at me, still pouting.

Hay Spencer, what should I do with you? Every now and then he suddenly acts cute as if he's a 3 year old kid, who's asking his mom to buy him a candy.

"Kaya nga ready akong magpanggap na walang alam wag lang ma-ruin yung surprise mo. Itabi mo yung sasakyan." I said. He immediately followed and stopped the car.

I held his hand and caressed it.

"Spencer you don't know how special something is for me as long as it's from you." I admitted then engulfed him in a hug.

He buried his face on the crook of my neck then whispered the 3 words and 8 letters that sounded really special to me when coming from him.

"I love you, Allie."

"I love you too, Spencer. Forever." I answered.

"Forever, is an awfully long time, love." He said.

"I don't care how awful it will be as long as I'm with you." I said.

"But Ally, what if I won't be there in the future?" He asked.

I felt a lump in my throat, na para bang kahit buksan ko ang bibig ko ay walang lalabas na boses. Hindi ko alam kung paano i-proseso ang mga salitang narinig ko.

"Are you planning to leave me again?" I asked, my eyes, starting to water— tears, are starting to fill my eyes.

"No baby. I'm just stating the possibility." He answered.

Pero diba kung nags-state ka ng possibility ay posible paring mangyari? So, posibleng iwan parin niya ako ulit?

But why Spencer?

Ano ba talagang itinatago mo?

Unti-unti akong tinraydor ng mga luha ko— hindi ko na napigil ang pagtulo ng mga luhang kanina ko pa pinipigilan.

"Hey, why are you crying?" He asked.

I looked straight into his eyes. Hindi ko man makita ng maayos dahil sa mga luha ang tahanan ko ay sinubukan ko paring tingnan siya ng diretcho.

"I don't know, I can feel that something's wrong pero hindi ko ma-figure out kung ano 'yon and it's killing me inside." I confessed.

Kita ko sa kanya ang pagka-gulat, na para bang hindi niya inaasahan ang sagot ko. Kita ko sa mga mata nya ang takot, na para bang may gusto syang sabihing pero hindi niya masabi.

I gathered all the courage inside me and managed to speak.

"Spencer, ano ba talagang itinatago mo?" I asked, I know na naririnig niya ang inis sa boses ko.

"I guess, I really can't hide it from you for long but, Allie, please trust me, sasabihin ko rin sa'yo but not now." He said. I can feel that what he's hiding is like a bomb, it's either I'll be safe or I'll die.

But at this point I'm expecting the worst.

He caressed my cheeks and wiped my tears. He pulled me closer, planted a kiss on my forehead then rest his forehead against mine.

"I'm sorry Allie, if I have to hide it from you for now. I know you don't want something like this but please trust me on this. Sasabihin ko rin sa'yo but please give me some time from now, hmm?" I can hear the guilt and sadness on his voice.

"Alam kong mabigat ang nararamdaman mo because of this at alam ko ring hindi ka matatahimik but, please trust me when I say that this is for the better my love." He added.

"I know hindi mo gustong itago sa akin but, okay, I'll understand. I'll wait for the moment na masasabi mo na sa akin ng maluwag sa loob mo." I assured him.

Now, I know that I have to prepare myself for the worst at least. Hangga't wala akong ideya kung ano yung sasabihin nya hindi ako mapapanatag. This is the reality of love, that even though you really love each other there are still things that you must keep to yourself— things that you have to manage on your own.

For Spencer, siguro ito yon. Kailangan nya na sa kanya muna ang mga bagay na hindi pa niya masabi sa akin, and I understand.

Kaya nga napalaya ko sya noon, because I understood.

That's how much I love him.