The Bad Boy Tutors The Suicidal Girl | ✓ Rewriting

Chapter 28

WARNING: Self-Harm
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Evil Presence | Sophie Meiers
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"Met the day deader
He's carved into trees
Bruised reaching for the
Black around me"
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As I looked at the blade, I sat up and took it. I held it in my fingertips and gulped. No, it's not worth it. I can't do it. I could never do it. This can never happen. I just want to stare at it a bit. I won't do it.

"It's super clean,"I mumble looking at it through my phone light.

"It's very interesting how sharp it is than before."

I hummed thinking about it more. I felt my phone buzzing and look to see it was Luna, Erik, and Mathew. Courtney had texted as well. I frowned and turned on airplane mode on my phone. I wanted to ignore all of it.

I remember the first time I hurt myself. I was really young and naive. As far as I know, I didn't think I could do something like that. I was just a kid who wanted something but never got it. It was always something I hated.

I was a touch-starved kid. I wanted hugs but never got them. I always wanted to feel squeezed and felt like I could be carried. Even an arm wrapped around me giving me comfort and making me feel safe but that never happened. No, it was much worse and instead, I was beaten.

There was no comfort in anything. "There couldn't be."

Now I flinch every time someone touches me or gets close to me. It's not like I do it on purpose but it happens from an instinct. I don't force myself to try to pry away but I can't help to do it. I don't want to get hurt by anyone. Sometimes I don't even want to hurt myself.

What choice do I have? It's either getting hurt from the people you thought that were there for you, those who were a complete stranger, or yourself. I would choose myself any day because it feels different than when others do it.

"No one would care. They already pretend for their own satisfaction."I whisper thinking about how people used me for their own pleasure.

My mind spiral into a mess and felt itself out of control from a stupid razor blade in my left hand. I let the cold blade touch on my skin for a bit and felt goosebumps on my right arm and traveling through my back making a little tickle. I gulp as I slowly pull it. Of course, it didn't work since I didn't put pressure.

I put a bit of pressure and sliced it through. It felt some sort of calming when I felt it slip out. It was washing everything away. Taking everything out of me. It did hurt but not as much as it would. It felt more cold and cool.

My breathing shivers as I put it down on my skin again and did it again. It was like slicing some food. Even though I hate food for all I know. It just disgusts me that every time I do something. It pops up. I don't need food, I don't want food. I didn't feel much afterward. I could feel myself getting lighter and lighter as it started to burn me. It felt closely like it was going to itch with the amount of blood seeping. I just kept doing it until I felt numb.

"Pain is not pleasureable."

Eventually, I put it down and felt some wetness on my cheeks. I touch them to feel tears. I didn't know I was crying until now. I wiped them and looked at my arm. They looked super bad. My eyes widen in fear noticing how much blood was seeping off and how many lines there were. I didn't think I did too much.