I'm A Twenty-Two Year Old Widow And I'm All Alone...

First Day At Home

"I didn't think you'd talk that much about your past..."

"Ry, most people don't know me. Not everything about me, anyway. But Lucas did. He knew every intimate detail about me, and he never judged me."

"So you want me to know everything about you?"

"Pretty much..."

Ryan grinned brightly, hugging me.

"I want to know everything about you," he smiled.

"Yay!" I grinned, kissing him.

"I have one very good little baby!" I bragged to Chelsea early the next morning when she came by to visit.

Larissa had surprised me by sleeping five hours straight, awakening for a feed and a diaper change, before she returned to sleep for another four hours. I was trying to keep her on four hour feedings, but she slept until I actually woke her up myself. She was cuddling up to me this morning as I raced around the kitchen, getting her bottle ready.

"You know you'd lose weight faster if you breastfed, Car," Chelsea suggested.

"Yes, but I don't like breastfeeding personally," I stated, frowning. "And it's a personal choice. Besides, I've started doing these exercises the midwife showed me. Didn't they show you them when you had Nate?"

"Yeah, but I ignored them and hired a personal trainer," she sighed. "My personal choice."

"Right," I frowned.

"Can I have a cuddle of my niece?" Chelsea asked, smiling.

"You can feed her so that I can shower," I said, handing Larissa to my sister.

"Wait, what?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. "I'm not your babysitter!"

"I used to feed Nate for you all the time!" I exclaimed. "You used to use that bloody breast pump and give me the bottle! Don't you remember?!"

"That was almost five years ago," she said. "I'm not gonna have any more kids..."

"Yeah, right!" I snorted.

"Oh, fine! I'll feed Larissa!"

"Too late..."

I had already started feeding Larissa her bottle whilst I was arguing with Chelsea. She sucked it down greedily, and Chelsea started laughing.

"Who's a little miss piggy-wiggy?" she chuckled.

"She loves her feeding time," I smiled, not taking my eyes off of my beautiful daughter.

"She's perfect, Car-Bear," Chelsea approved. "I have to go take the kids to school... then I'm going on a date."

"A date?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. "Don't you have a job interview today?"

"No, that's tomorrow," she replied. "I'm not gonna get it. Why am I going?"

"Because you quit your other job," I reminded her. "And you've graduated from college..."

"We both have," she smiled.

"And I'm gonna go to med school when Larissa's a bit older," I finished my sentence. "Are you still gonna go to law school?"

"I hope so," she grinned. "I've applied for a few... depends if they like me."

"They will," I said confidently.

Chelsea said goodbye then, taking Nathaniel and Anastasia to school. Ryan was at work, and I was left alone with Larissa. And I was expecting an easy day...

Boy, was I wrong!

Larissa stayed settled for a long time, but then around lunchtime she got wind. And she became increasingly difficult, and I couldn't calm or settle her.

By the time Ryan returned in the late afternoon, I was in tears. And Larissa had finally fallen asleep.

"Hey, hey," he soothed, taking me in his arms. "What happened?"

"She had wind and I couldn't settle her!" I cried.

"She's settled now, though," he smiled. "So you must have helped her somehow."

"It took me four hours to settle her," I sobbed. "She wouldn't stop crying, and then she had hiccups... and then she cried again!"

"Hey," he hushed. "Ana used to get wind every second day. It drove Ang nuts. She used to cry and claim that she couldn't do it... that she wasn't cut out to be a mom."

"What's your point?" I asked, sniffling.

"That there will always be good days and bad days," he smiled. "And it doesn't make you a bad mom. It just makes you a normal one. And it's always harder when they're babies, because they can't tell you what's wrong. But you're an excellent mom, and Larissa can see that you're trying. And she loves you, more than anybody else in the world."

"I love her, too," I breathed.

"Then don't let a bad day get you down," he encouraged. "She is gonna get wind occasionally... hopefully not as often as Ana did. But you learn how to settle her. And you can't do the wrong thing, because there's no such thing as a wrong thing when it comes to doing what's best for your child. And Larissa... she's amazing. As are you."

I stood up, wiping my wet eyes. And Ryan stood up to give me a hug.

"Thankyou," I whispered.

Ryan was helpful with his little parenting tips. It made me love him even more. As did his compassion and caring nature.

I was falling even more in love with him.