I'm A Twenty-Two Year Old Widow And I'm All Alone...

Larissa Jade Masterson

Chapter Fifteen... Larissa Jade Masterson

I awoke in the hospital at around four in the morning to the sounds of my newborn baby daughter Larissa crying. I sleepily stood up, and just as I picked her up a nurse appeared in the doorway. I had chosen to bottlefeed Larissa, as I wasn't really keen on breastfeeding.

"I'll heat up a bottle for you," the nurse whispered, smiling in the dim light of the room.

"Thanks," I returned the smile, laying Larissa down on the changing table in the room.

Once she had a new diaper on, and some warmer clothing, I climbed back into bed just in time for the nurse to bring in her bottle.

"Here," the nurse grinned. "God, she's a cutie. If you have any troubles with her, we're just outside to help."

"Thanks," I smiled again. "She's been good. Loves attention."

"Most babies do," she whispered. "You chose a beautiful name for her, you know."

"My husband and I picked it before I knew I was pregnant with her," I replied.

"I heard from one of the other nurses that you lost your husband," she said sadly. "I'm sorry about that."

"It seems so long ago now," I sighed, looking down to see Larissa starting to fall asleep. "I... Larissa looks just like him."

"My sister lost her husband two years ago to a heart attack. She has three kids, and she's with a new guy now... and pregnant to him. She moved on quick, but everyone's different. You can't judge how long it will take you to just keep moving on in life, and you can't dwell on the past."

"Well, I'm kind of already with someone. And... he's great. He's a widow, too. And I see us together forever. And he loves Larissa already."

Larissa finished her bottle, and was just about asleep. I walked over and put her in her little bed, tucking her underneath the warm blankets. She barely stirred, going straight into a deep sleep. I slowly moved back to my own bed.

"I'll leave you two to sleep," the nurse smiled. "See you in the morning... or later on in the morning."

"Thanks, for the conversation and everything," I grinned, crawling back under the warmth of the covers.

I hated hospital beds, but I fell asleep straight away.

Ryan came by in the morning to visit me. Larissa had just woken up, and I handed her straight to him. Ryan was the father figure in Larissa's life, and he hopefully always would be.

"How did last night go?" he asked.

"She slept well," I smiled. "Woke up at four, but then slept through until nine. And... then you came. I sat up this morning talking to a nurse while I was feeding her."

"Some nurses are great. Some are just a nuisance." Ryan sighed.

"This one was chatty," I chuckled. "She loved little Larissa, though."

"Who wouldn't?" he grinned.

A knock at the door startled me. I looked up to see Lucas' sister Athena standing there, smiling.

"Athena!" I said excitedly, standing up and walking over to hug her. "How are you?"

"Oh, Carrie!" she grinned. "Long time, no see. So... can I have a cuddle of my little niece?"

"Sure," I smiled as Ryan walked over and handed Larissa to Athena.

"Who are you?" Athena asked curiously, eyeing Ryan.

"This is Ryan," I introduced, pointing at Ryan. "Ry, this is Lucas' sister Athena. She's Larissa's aunt."

"Hello," Ryan greeted her brightly.

"Hi," Athena said hesitantly, holding Larissa in one arm and holding out her hand to Ryan. He took it, still smiling.

"So... how have you been, Athena?" I asked, noticing the awkward silence that was creeping up on all of us.

"Yeah, okay," she sighed. "The boys are a nightmare! And I'm living back with mom and dad. Did you know that they found a bunch of Lucas' stuff out in the back garage the other day?"

"Really?" I asked. "Wow."

"Is Ryan here... uh... your boyfriend?" she asked hesitantly.

"Not... quite," Ryan answered for me. "We're more in the friend stage at the moment. But... hopefully... possibly... it might become more than that."

"Did you know my brother?" she questioned.

"No, I didn't," he said with a sigh. "I would have liked to, though. He sounds like he was a great guy."

"Oh, mom doesn't think you'll ever move on from Lucas, Carrie," Athena said, looking away from Ryan. "She might be offended to see him here."

"I'm... I'm gonna go," Ryan said suddenly.

"Ry, you don't have to leave," I sighed.

"You two need to catch up," Ryan pointed out. "And Lucas' parents might not like me being here."

"Screw them," I said, standing in front of Athena. "No offence, but your parents have to know that Lucas and I were great together, but he isn't coming back. And that hurts me more than anyone else. I've known Ryan for five months, and he's a widow, too. So he knows exactly what I'm going through! So don't make him feel bad about being here!"

Athena looked a little stunned, but slowly walked over to a nearby chair with Larissa and sat down. Ryan looked shocked, too.

"I'm sorry," Athena whispered. "Mom saw you and Ryan in a shop the other day, and she was a bit annoyed that you hadn't told her that you were seeing someone else."

"We've only been on a couple of dates," Ryan told her. "We hang out. I stay there at her house. But that's because she's afraid of being alone. And we don't share a bed. I stay in the spare room with my six year old daughter."

"You have a daughter?" Athena asked.

"Yes, Anastasia," he smiled.

"I'm... I told mom she shouldn't overreact about you being with someone else," Athena sighed. "But you know what she's like. Overreact is her middle name."

I laughed.

"Yeah... she sure does overreact," I chuckled.

Athena decided it best not to say anything that would offend Ryan again, and the rest of the time she was there, she spent some time cuddling up to Larissa, talking to me and getting to know Ryan. But then she had to go to work, and promised to drop by the house with her sons, so they could meet their new little cousin.

Lucas' parents came by at around lunch time, and they reserved their judgement on Lucas. But I could tell that Lucas' mom was fighting back her words, wanting to say something. I was glad that she didn't open her mouth, but she was cold to Ryan.

He didn't seem to care.

It made me worry that Ryan would never be accepted by them... wait. Why did they have to approve of him? They would always be in mine and Larissa's lives, but they couldn't judge me over him. My own parents could, but they never would. Mom already loved him.

Chelsea came by with Nathaniel and Anastasia in the afternoon, and they stayed until visiting hours were over. Anastasia had told her schoolmates that Larissa was her baby sister, in which Ryan had told her that Larissa wasn't actually her sister. She simply replied that no matter what, Larissa would always be like her sister.

It was very cute.

As Ryan left, he kissed me goodbye. I had Larissa in my arms, and she was wide awake.

"Well, Larissa," I grinned at her. "He's our future... I love him. And he loves both of us."