Richie tozier angst

spin the bottle.

After school is over, Bill invited us over to play 'spin the bottle' so I didn't really want to say no.. So I went with them. We sit at the quarry, and the first one to go is, is Beverly. She spins the bottle, it landed on.. Ben, Ben blushes and smiles. "𝘞𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘺!" She moves towards him and Ben does the same, they kissed. "𝘖𝘰𝘰𝘰𝘰𝘰𝘰!" I go. Bens face is all red and Bev is smiling, the move away and sit back in their places. "𝘞𝘩𝘰'𝘴 𝘯𝘦𝘹𝘵?" I look around the group. "𝘐 𝘨-𝘨𝘶𝘩- 𝘨𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘐 𝘤-𝘤𝘢-𝘯 𝘨𝘰." Bill said, he placed his hand on the bottle and gave it a good spin, the top of the bottle pointed at everyone in the group for atleast a second, but it stopped at Stan. Bill looked up from the bottle to Stan who was sitting next to him, his face turned red. Stans face lit up, and he looked at Bill.
"𝘞𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘳𝘺 𝘪𝘵 𝘶𝘱 𝘨𝘶𝘺𝘴! 𝘞𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸!" I push Stan, who was sitting next to me as well, Closer to Bill.
Stan slowly moves closer and so does Bill, they kissed- finally. "𝘞𝘖𝘖𝘖!!" I yelled, and Beverly giggled, same with Eddie. I guess this isn't so bad.. I hear foot steps from behind us and I turn around.. It's Eddies girlfriend. What is she doing here?! If she joins the game I could just cry right here.. She taps Eddies shoulder and he turns around. "𝘜𝘩- 𝘔-𝘔𝘦𝘨𝘢𝘯? 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦?" He asked, so her name is Megan.. "𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘸𝘢𝘭𝘬 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘴𝘢𝘸 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘨𝘶𝘺𝘴 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦! 𝘈𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘰𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦? 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘫𝘰𝘪𝘯?" She questioned.
For fuck sakes NO! "𝘚𝘩-𝘚𝘶𝘳𝘦! 𝘚𝘪𝘵 𝘯𝘦𝘹𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘌-𝘶𝘩-𝘌𝘥𝘥𝘪𝘦." Bill says, I quickly look at him and he doesn't notice. She sits between me and Eds. "𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘨𝘰 𝘌𝘥𝘥𝘪𝘦." Stan says, Eddie nods.
He places the hand on the bottle and spins it. I stare closely to the bottle, praying it landed on me. It starts to stop, and it lands on his fucking girlfriend.. I look at them, with a disappointed face. But it turns into a smile, because he can't know. "𝘞𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘨𝘰 𝘰𝘯!" I give them a little push, as I do with everyone. "𝘖𝘩 𝘴𝘩𝘶𝘵 𝘶𝘱 𝘙𝘪𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘦 𝘸𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘥𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧'𝘴" Eds rolls his eyes and moves to kiss his girlfriend.
I hate being jealous.. I just want to hang out with the losers.. Without Eddies stupid girlfriend..
"𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘨𝘰 𝘯𝘦𝘹𝘵, 𝘔𝘦𝘨𝘢𝘯?" I say. "𝘠𝘦𝘢𝘩 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦!" She holds the bottle and spins it around, it slowly stops and it lands on.. Mike. Mike cringes at this, I know he is Ace, but he didn't tell anyone else.
Megan crawls to Mike, and kisses him. Eddie, doesn't seen phased at all.. Maybe he doesn't get jealous.

After the game, everyone decided to stay over at Stans, thank fucking god.. I can't go home yet, I should probably tell my dad so he doesn't actually kill me when I go back home. I pull out my phone and text Went. "𝘐'𝘮 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘺 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘵𝘰𝘥𝘢𝘺" I said. He left me on read, that most likely means he doesn't care. Once we get to Stans, Eddie looks uncomfortable, I slightly nudge him with my elbow. "𝘏𝘦𝘺 𝘌𝘥𝘴, 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘭𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵?" I whisper to him. He looks at his girlfriend, who for some reason came with us.. And looked back to me. "𝘠𝘦𝘢𝘩, 𝘐'𝘮 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘦.." He smiles. "𝘐 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦- 𝘶𝘩.. 𝘔𝘦𝘨𝘢𝘯, 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘐 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘳.." He looks down. "𝘌𝘥𝘴, 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘺 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘚𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘫𝘰𝘺𝘴 𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘮 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘺. 𝘚𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘣𝘴𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶!" I'm slightly talking about myself.. He smiles at me, I smile back. We don't really say anything else, and I look back to the group, who is having all their own conversation. I hope my bad luck doesn't start again today..

I lay on the couch, and my eyes start to close, I fall asleep.. Today wasn't so bad I guess? I sleep for a while.
once I wake up, I check the time to see that its only 4AM, maybe I can get some more sleep.. I roll over and close my eyes, I roll over again after a couple minutes, again, again, then I give up and open my eyes. Guess I'm not getting anymore sleep.. whatever, I get off the couch to get my phone off the desk next to Stans bed, of course, Bill is sleeping right next to Stan. I giggle to myself and grab my phone. I look at my notifications and see a bunch of them from my dad, I swallow and open them up. I see my dad saying in full caps. "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU" My eyes widen, what the hell? "YOU'RE FUCKING ASS IS DEAD WHEN YOU GET BACK F*GGOT!" What is happening.. "I WILL NOT RAISE A FUCKING GAY SON" I immediately move my hand over my mouth, tears form in my eyes. He knows..?! How the fuck did he find out?! Oh shit this isn't good.. I can't go home, I just fucking cant.. He'll kill me! What the fuck do I do.
My breathing becomes heavier, and my tears fall down my face, I cover my sobs so I don't wake anyone up. I can't do this.. I can't fucking do this anymore.. I close my eyes and out my phone down. I can barely breath.. I hate this, I hate my life, I hate myself, I hate my dad..
What is wrong with me? I know I'm not normal, but do I have to be punished for it everyday? This isn't fair..

I'm disgusted in myself..